Knee Deep in the Dead by Dafydd ab Hugh

In 6th grade, I went to Walden Books in the mall with my friend Paul. He bought this novelization of Doom and I bought a novelization of Myst. For those of you who don’t know, Myst might be the most boring game ever released on the Sony Playstation (but on PC there are definitely more boring games). I should have bought Knee Deep in the Dead though it likely has more value to my adult self than whatever jerk I was in 1998.

I’ve never read a military-type story so this is a new thing for me. Like the computer game, Knee Deep in the Dead is mostly about shooting monsters. These monsters are being produced on Deimos and Phobos, the famous moons of Mars, and must be stopped from going to earth and destroying humanity. It’s a fun read especially if you’re addicted to action games and want to build up your literacy.

Go Yogurt

Think of Cheese, a sort of messed-up Adult version of Milk, the food of Infancy. Why is it so good? Is it our desire to regress and reform? Return to the human whey? Cheese. Such a long shelf life. Part of an advanced culture, it pairs with wine. Both can be expensive. Cheese has value. Yogurt is scum. Sour Cream is rotten. Milk is for babies.

Cheese/Milk = Modern Adult Human/Infant Human = X/Y
Solve for X and Y
American = Bill Gates
Roquefort = Shaq
Vermont Cheddar = Robert at the C Store
Chevre = Gandhi
Let's go Yogurt

Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport

I got the ebook and read Deep Work when what I meant to do was download and read this book instead. I’ll admit it. At times, I have been addicted to Facebook. Sometimes I don’t want to think. I just want to scroll the feed and find out what everyone else maybe thinks before I act on anything because I’m afraid to act or be noticed because everyone on the internet is saying mean things about each other. So I took this step to control what I use the internet for.

It feels strange to forcefully remind myself of my intentions before I do (or while I’m not doing) anything. But it must be done if I want to retain control of my time, instead of just letting social media devour my time and attention.

If you struggle with this kind of thing, Digital Minimalism would be a good book for you. It feels like a rushed supplement to Deep Work, which I think is a better read. I think Digital Minimalism is longer than it needs to be, overstuffed with self-help things when it could be something short and pointedly useful. Like it or not. We all need a little self-help, right?

American Gods by Neil Gaiman

From a British writer, I expected more of a snarky portrayal of things that are American, like fast food and the kkk. From strip malls to hidden histories, to tourist traps, to Cairo Illinois, I think American Gods managed to display a responsible reverence gor our grand old country.

It seems bulk of Gaiman’s novels are intended for young audiences so I might not read all of them. We’ll see. I want to designate the month of my birthday to young material and hopefully lighten the inevitable feeling of oldness. The thing I like about adult fiction is that I relate to it more. Often the characters have real problems and aren’t constantly being out-witted by ignorant kids. Adult books typically illustrate points beyond ‘why you should be good and not bad’ or 'why you should have high self-esteem'.

So what is the point to American Gods? I don’t know. I do consider it an ‘offering’ to the art of story telling. Aside from the subtly violent presence of mythological gods, it has a comic booky feel which is totally cool with me. Gaiman has a talent for writing poetically while making sure something is always happening and that whatever is happening is relevant to the story.

There are even history lessons told from the perspective of fictional characters, in between the main story line: the kind of stuff that keeps you turning pages. I think the history of our country is interesting and brutal, regardless of what we were taught in school. If you have intentions of reading more but nothing is really gripping you, then I strongly recommend American Gods.

Deep Work by Cal Newport

Like anyone, I have a bit of an attention deficit when sitting at my computer. Any time I have to wait for anything, I want to hop on over to the other tab and see if there are any new posts, emails, notifications, deals, news, etc. I even have a hard time keeping my eyes on the page as I’m reading. So instead, I will just sit there for who knows how long. To Cal Newport day dreaming seems fine, especially when it is intentional.

As it turns out, we have a lot to think about and we don’t always give ourselves time to do that thinking. So we end up having anxiety and what do we do when we’re anxious? Often we try to distract ourselves from our anxieties and end up in a constant state of distraction.

I used to always just like to have something on in the background, like a boring tv show. As it turns out, I work more effectively and think deeper thoughts without distractions and interruptions. Newport hypothesizes that deep work is becoming increasingly rare at the exact same rate it is becoming increasingly valuable.

I buy it. Deep Work suggests many strategies for achieving deep work and enhancing the effectiveness of the work you do. It’s a great read if you are interested in someday expanding on your sense of achievement.

The Weather Man (feat. Nicolas Cage)

The Weather Man is like a memoir of a fictional meteoroligist named David Spritzel (Spritz for tv). It’s rated R because there’s a lot of edgy cussing and a scene where David (he’s the narrator) explains to us what a Camel Toe is. I hate it when a movie grossly underestimates my intelligence by taking great lengths to explain, in gory detail, something I’ve known since long before I was old enough to advisably watch R rated films. David lives in the Chicago suburbs and people throw fast food items at him, just because he’s a celebrity. People in Chicago are apparently mean like that. There are a lot of other cool Chicago things going on, like Gold Coast Hot Dogs at the mall. They also say ‘pop’ instead of ‘soda’.

David takes up archery and practices on the (windy) beach to impress his daughter who doesn’t care. Pretty much everything he does is stupid and pointless like that. In fact, David sucks. But he’s the protagonist of our film and we have to care about him, right? Not.

Sometimes I like to have a movie on the background, though. Especially when it’s something that won’t draw me in and stress me out. This is that kind of film and it might be the worst thing Michael Cain’s ever been in. I forgive him, though, he probably thinks he needs the work to pay for his grandchildren to go to university.
Let’s rank these Nicolas Cage Films.

1. Raising Arizona
2. City of Angels
3. Gone in Sixty Seconds
4. Matchstick Men
5. The Family Man
6. The Weather Man
7. The Croods

Nevermoor. The Trials of Morrigan Crow by Jessica Townsend

My sister Amy’s really into this book. We talk about writing sometimes. She has a blog about seasonal living and has off and on been working on a young adult fantasy novel.

Nevermoor isn’t exactly young adult. I looked it up and I guess you would call it a middle grade book. It’s kind of like Matilda and Harry Potter in that starkly under appreciated kid has a bunch of magical things happen to them. There is a limit to acceptable allegories in middle grade fiction; whatever happens in the story, our readers should know that they are special. Hopefully that feeling should persist until long their first job starts taking over their self-esteem.

In Nevermoor everything is described with an intended aesthetic and there are a lot of random things to visualize and make you feel whimsical. It definitely feels like a supplement for Harry Potter fans who won’t get enough. It's part of an apparent sub-genre of magical academy-themed stories.

There is a creepy sort of voyeuristic feeling I get, reading books for the kids. It's like I can see how they have been tricked into liking something. So I might never write anything for kids. It’s not for me to lean the young toward thinking or feeling anything I think they should. I don’t need to express myself to kids. Kids suck and their opinions are uninformed. Their parents probably don't want guys like me influencing them.

Anyway, Nevermoor was fine. I probably won’t read any more books about Morrigan Crow unless someone really insists.

Going Grape

Let’s compare three more water enhancers. Left to right, in both pictures, we have Sunkist Grape, Kroger Vitamin Grape, and Hi-C Grabbin’ Grape.

The Sunkist Grape drink tastes like grape Koolaid. It’s probably supposed to taste like grape soda but you know they’re the same flavor. Not very exciting.

I love how the Kroger Vitamin Grape is clear colored. Clear drinks always remind me of the old school clear watermelon Koolaid. It was amazing. However, Kroger Vitamin Grape is pretty low on flavor. I added most of a 2nd packet and I still didn’t get a lot of grapiness. Still it’s not bad and I do prefer the flavor it does possess over the flavor of Sunkist Grape. I was hoping Kroger’s Vitamin Grape would taste more like Kroger’s Grape Fitness Water (which is amazing but at the time, twice as expensive). Hi-C Grabbin’ Grape is my favorite of the bunch. I think most powdered drinks could go well with a full dose of vitamin c. Grabbin’ Grape isn’t quite as good as good as Orange Lavaburst but I can still get down.

For the sake of clarity, I’m going to rank every drink mentioned on this post and include Skittles’s Grape water enhancer.

1. Kroger Grape Fitness Water
2. Hi-C Orange Lavaburst
3. Hi-C Grabbin’ Grape
4. Skittles’s Grape
5. Kroger Vitamin Grape
6. Sunkist Grape

The Very Best of Charles De Lint

This book was loaned to me by the man who bought me Some Guys’ Pizza and fathered my ally, Lord Reptile. The pages are big and have a lot of words on them. There are a lot of pages too. But when a doctor who is not your doctor or your professor makes it a point to lend you one of his books, you have to read it and return it within a reasonable amount of time; as if I were exempt from the book borrowing code of never returning anything to anyone until you’ve paid your fines. After a month of wonder, I tuckered down on The Very Best of Charles De Lint.

Short stories often give you a fair amount to remember and chew on once you put down the volume. So I tried to read just one of De Lint’s stories every night and I felt a lot of things. I felt the hot power of my imagination and an itch to dream. I felt a renewed weight in the value of things I do that have no value to anyone else.

From every angle, De Lint illuminates the magic in the mundane. Everyone is a character in a bigger story. Often those who neglect their status in our world, make up for it in worlds we can’t see. Heroes don’t have to kill orcs and challenge evil sorcerers. De Lint’s heroes are artists, musicians, and magical creatures of consensual reality. His mythical fiction/urban fantasy takes us away from the violent and into the pre-existing magic we often forget about.

Gone in 60 Seconds (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Gone in 60 Seconds starts with the longest opening credit sequence of all time, just to give us just a little taste of the swell cinematography to come. Kid A is really freaked out by what a badass Kid B is. Kid B is scared of nothing and steals cars and gets into terrible trouble. Kid B is scared of Kid C who is exponentially more bad ass. Brace yourself, Kid D is worse and Kid E is even worse than Kid D. This film is about Kid Z, played by Nicolas Cage. His name is Randall and he's a retired car thief, running a go kart track. His little brother (Kid B) is played by the same guy who was Phoebe's brother on Friends, only he has a dirt stache and chin pubes. This was the look to have if you were going to be a badass in the year 2000. After all, I rocked the same look.

This movie is badass. Like the Matrix for people who love cars. This is the first domino is the endless stream of Fast and Furious films and ports of Grand Theft Auto 5. For a car movie, I don't think the car chases were that good, often just cutting from something exploding to Randall looking intense behind a steering wheel. Was the acting bad? Yes. Is the script cheesy? Yes. Is the premise far fetched? Yes. It doesn't matter. The makers of this film otherwise achieved what they wanted, amidst the forever changing the world as we know it.

Let's rank these Nicolas Cage Films.

1. Raising Arizona
2. City of Angels
3. Gone in Sixty Seconds
4. Matchstick Men
5. The Family Man
6. The Croods

Arni's Restaurant of Lafayette, IN

Arni’s Pizza is really cool, and I guess it’s a chain. Being a small chain is a bit of a plus for my purposes, since I’m ideally most interested in pizzas that won’t require me to drive to Lafeyette every single time. As a restaurant, Arni’s is really cool. It’s got a model train room, a sports room, antique toys, books, and all kinds of other stuff, likely all tying into the personal interests of Arnold Cohen (founder of Arni’s). Their pizza is a lot like Pizza King. The crust is super thin and their sauce is thick, tangy, and zingy. It was cool to watch their assembly line. One dough stretching master passed their perfectly stretched dough to the sauce spreading master, to the cheesing, topping, cooking, and boxing/slicing master. As usual with my cheese pizza, I got a side of sauce which might have actually been straight tomato paste. Aside from watching the people make my to go order, I also had the privilege of witnessing them realize they forgot to make my pizza. Too bad I tipped before receiving my food, though I don’t really think tipping should correlate with quality of service, really. I think most everyone working in service has a right to make a little bit more than they do. Let’s talk ratios. Arni’s Pizza is rated 1cr/2ce/2ch Let’s talk scores. I’ll rate their crust 3/5. It’s a lot like the dough I make at home and roll out super thin. Arni’s crust is chewy and foldable, not crispy like a cracker. The bottom is lightly coated with corn meal(and seemingly salt and pepper), not quite charred. For a chewy thin crust, I think it could be a bit more yeasty and lively. They used one of those dough rollers to keep the crust from bubbling, which was probably a waste of time. It wasn’t dry, but there was still no “goo”, which the lack thereof may be due to the thickness of Arni’s sauce.

I’ll rate their sauce 4/5. It’s good and really my kind of thing. It might not be your kind of thing. Maybe it should be.

Overall quality gets a 4/5, which I feel is being a bit tough. However, Non-Bloomington Rules apply. If the crust was better, maybe they’d get a 5/5 for overall. If I wasn’t being a little generous with my sauce score, maybe overall quality would get 5/5. The cheese didn’t have much stretch, but that’s fine. I just think the whole thing could have had more pizzazz. Speaking of pizzazz, Arni’s gets a 4/5 for style. I love when a restaurant is decorated without being hip or gimmicky. However, I also like when an inner city hole in the wall can confidently let their food speak for itself. I love Arni’s pizza… I don’t know if it was too much like Pizza King or if that style of pizza is just not remarkable enough to give Arni’s a 5/5 for style. So all right Arni’s Restaurant. Your pizza gets a 75%! I’ll be back.

A good looking Honda Civic

 

When we moved into our current house, I thought perhaps the neighborhood was too boujee for me because our neighbors owned (not one, but) two fresh Honda Civics. I thought they would likely cry about how loud I rock and how often I clean the cat box. For no great reason, I've always associated fresh Hondas with class climbers. I was walking around somewhere and found this old Civic, looking awesome. One time I saw a Civic on the high way and I could have sworn it was from 1990. Like a tall drink of water, yet aging like a sharp cheddar.  

A Food Worth Eating

As of now, I’m enjoying a free (courtesy of Mitch “The Boss” Duncan) sample of the Ritz Four Cheese and Herb Cheese Crispers. To Mitch, I once declared that I was going to stop rolling the dice on food. More often than not, the meals before me were disappointing in especial proportion to how much they cost. Aside from Cheez-its, guaranteed to be good, other food was just too much of a gamble. Existence is punishing enough without the false hope of anything (other than Cheez-its) being good.

The thing about Cheez-its is that you end up eating them too fast. Mushy masses of chewed Cheez-it end up accumulating in every crevice of your mouth. It’s hard to eat them slowly because they are so good. With Ritz Cheese Crispers, you don’t have that problem.

I like that they are more cheesy and less salty than most crackers, chips, or cracker chips. The floral hints of oregano are heavenly. So far I like Ritz Four Cheese and Herb Cheese Crispers a good deal more than any flavor of Cheez-its. Let’s see how I feel after consuming a box at full speed.

The Colour of Magic by Terry Pratchett

 

As it stands, most of my book reports are not being posted in the order that the books were read.  For a time, I thought about not writing about ebooks since I can't take a picture of them but that notion seemed ridiculous.  I need to chronicle this stuff and practice writing.  

The Colour of Magic is the 2nd Discworld book I've read.  It wasn't quite as heart-warming as Lords and Ladies but it was definitely great.  The first book in a series is almost always the most read, just like a band's first album becomes the album that the rest of their work is measured against.  Let's face it, this is only the case for bands who make a popular, breakout album.  I would hate to think of a world that never published The Colour of Magic.  Would Pratchett have gone back to the drawing board and created a different, more serious fantasy world?  I'm not surprised the author actually suggests for readers to start at his third book, Sourcery.  

Technically, The Colour of Magic is only the first in the Rincewind series, which is one of five or six Discworld story lines.  So I'm not entirely sure which to read next.  I'm leaning toward starting and finishing his Witches novels.  

But that's not what you were hoping to learn here.  The colour of magic is Octarine.  The magic number is eight.  

Cafe Pizzeria of Bloomington, IN

Do you remember the rating system for Pizzas?
Cr = Crust
Ch = Cheese
Ce = Sauce
All of these range in mass from 1 to 5
Cafe Pizzeria is a 2cr/1.5ce/3ch. They are one of those local joints that has been around for a long time. They’ve had a lot of managers, but the recipe has stayed the same. Their owner probably never stops by, so sometimes their product isn’t up to my standards. As of now, their pizza is really good.

The crust is thin and folded up a bit on the sides of the pan. In your hand, it folds nicely, tastes good, and has a nice puffiness to it. It’s not dry but not as greasy as a Pizza Hut’s pan pizza. It is a midwestern style crust. I’ll rate the crust 3.5/5. Their sauce gets a 2/5. One the side, it tastes more like something I would scoop with a tortilla chip. However, I think the thinness of it contributes well to the covetous “goo factor” of the crust. I might have liked it if there were more of it on the pizza. I really enjoyed tasting both the sauce cooked into the crust under the cheese, as well as the taste of the sauce cooked onto the crust toward the edge.

For overall quality, I’d give them a 4/5. The cheese didn’t stretch a lot, but that’s fine. A lot of small time pizza joints have a problem of not cooking their pizza long enough. That wasn’t the case here. Doesn’t it look delicious? I do believe there was a hint of yellow cheese on it, which I appreciate. It’s probably even better eaten cold, but I couldn’t bring myself to save any leftovers.

For style they get a 3/5. We didn’t dine in, responding to the rise in covid cases, but I’ve been in there. It’s fairly cozy but unremarkable. The pizza itself is good, but not outstanding.

This gives Cafe Pizzeria a 63%.

Heavy Object Vol. 1 by Kamachi Kazuma

 

For those of you who don't know, a light novel is a style of episodic book released in volumes and typically targeted to young adults in japan.  They are the new form of serialized pulp fiction.  These days, a lot of light novels have been made into mangas, animes, and video games.  Some well known examples are Brave Story, Slayers, and Sword Art Online.  

I downloaded Heavy Object from a translation website, along with a few other light novels.  Heavy Object is the only one I've managed to finish and it was somewhat difficult.  I must have chosen the wrong books.  

Heavy Object is more or less about two teenage boys who are in the military and blow up advanced weapons called Objects.  Objects are the most dangerous, well protected things on earth, designed by the smartest people who have ever existed.  Still, our little boys repeatedly outsmart the objects and saving the day.  Objects are piloted by elites, chosen at birth because of their genetic superiority and subjected to a life without freedom.  They life a life of strict training and cyborg-style body enhancements.  

So the elite on our side is a fifteen year old girl.  That's her picture on the cover.  The army general and leader to our young heroes is a woman who has huge tits and dresses like a geisha.  Our boys almost see her naked a few times.  There is some type of romantic interest between our hero Heivia and our elite, who is often called princess.  She isn't explicitly sexualized.  Instead our hero accidentally harms her body, which may arouse the kinks in some readers.  

When I was in 7th-10th grade and enchanted by anything Japanese, considering my limited access, I probably would have been really into light novels.  As an adult, reading Heavy Object is like reading a (severely drawn out) tv show about boys blowing up robots and fantasizing about underage cyborg girls with thigh gaps.  

I'm trying to read another light novel called Antiquarian Bookshop Biblia, but it's so boring.  I may never finish and report on it.