Happy Joe's Pizza of Eldridge, IA

I might be extremely biased about Happy Joe's Pizza, since it's probably my favorite small chain. They do it all right, putting genuine effort into making all of their joints special. They even have a mascot, a spotty, dalmationy kind of dog. They have a game room with ski ball. No real arcade machines, but that's all right. Also, each Happy Joe's has a model train that runs along the parameter of the dining room, and if it takes a certain alternating path, you get prizes like coupons for free ice cream. And I love model trains.

Pizzas are ordered at the counter and brought to your table, if you decide against the buffet. There's also a hard-serve ice cream stand. Their toppings are cut small, so each bite of your pizza will have maximum flavor. And while their options are growing, Happy Joe's regular cheese pizza hasn't changed since I started eating it, 30+ years ago. It's just sad that I don't get to eat it more than once every few years.

I remember staying with my grandparents in Kewanee, IL for christmas through new years. It was new years eve 1997 or 1998, and we hadn't yet gotten a Happy Joe's Pizza, which was to me the best part about visiting Kewanee. My mom said I could order a pizza if it meant that much to me. So I ordered a large cheese pizza. And I know it was late at night, and I know I was just a little kid who'd made the call. But the pizza never came. Life goes on.

Let's talk about the pizza I got today. For ratios, I'll rate this pizza at a 2.5cr/2ce/2.5ch. Their crust is chewy, and bubbly. But the bubbles aren't so big they hinder the overall enjoyment of the pie. As you can see, there are even bubbles on the bottom of the crispy-chewy crust. This high-gluten, thorougly kneaded dough is similar to that of Gatti's and other buffet joints, leaving a really decadent, doughy center. There's not a lot in the flavor of the dough, but I really love the texture, and for this particular pizza, I couldn't imagine a better crust. So the crust gets a 5 out of 5.

The sauce is thick, suggesting a certain amount of tomato paste. But that's fine with me. It still soaks nicely into the crust, and has a rich, delicious taste. It's got garlic and herbs, but not more than it needs. I'll give this sauce a 5 out of 5. For style, for reasons given, Happy Joe's gets a 5 out of 5. Everything about this place says, "We're Happy Joes and we're happy about it." I was really tempted to take home my pizza's tra, just as a keepsake. But I couldn't bring myself to steal from Joe!

Lastly, for overall quality, I give Happy Joe's a 5 out of 5. I love how they sprinkle a little cheddar in with their mozzarella, giving the cheese a little more of a greasy tang, leaving your mouth feeling wonderful and delicious. I love to eat this pizza both hot and cold. Since this is my favorite regional chain, I can't give Happy Joe's less than 100%.

Harris Pizza #5 of Bettendorf, IA

You might consider Harris Pizza the origin of the quad-cities style, and it's not much different from Saint Guiseppe's. It has a ratio of 2cr/2ce/2ch. Since the style of sausage (crumbled, under the cheese, spicy, with fennel seed) is such a landmark for this style of pizza, I decided to give it a shot, even though sausage isn't good for leaving overnight while you camp in your car. The 12" pie was $12 whether I got a topping or not, so it seemed like a good idea.

Their crust is crusty, and I realized it's more like sourdough, really, than pizza dough. It was all right. I'll give it a 3 out of 5. Their sauce is thinner than Saint Giuseppe's, but there's definitely more in the flavor department. It did soak through a particularly weak section of the dough. I'll give their sauce a 3 out of 5.

For style, I guess Harris gets a 4. There were a lot of cool things on the menu, like burgers, fried pickles (and other fried things), and taco pizza. I really would have liked some unlimited diet pepsis in their dining room, but it was closed. I wish I'd known before I passed-up Harris Pizza #4. I thought I'd read while waiting for my pizza, but one of the two people in the back was trying really hard to be funny while also expressing his crankiness. It's funny how people have a special kitchen personality. He made a few remarks about how my pizza looked like shit, to which his coworker insisted it was a good pizza, looking good. Even I had to inspect the pie before taking it with me, and it looked good.

So for overall quality, Harris Pizza gets a 4 out of 5. The cheese could have been melted more, but oh well. With a 70%, Harris measures right up to my other quad-cities style pizza. Though I'd give this an extra 1% because everything about it was slightly better than what I got at Saint Giuseppe's.