two consecutive Z's

If it's edible and its name contains two consecutive Z's, then you bet I'm going to eat it. I feel like I've seen Gardetto's Pizzeria Naturally Flavored Snack Mix before, but I could be wrong. So how is this snack? It's all right. Maybe not better than regular Gardetto's. While I love the flavors of powdered tomato and powdered romano cheese, the Original Gardetto's dishes up more of that satisfying, garlicky zing. There are also no rye chips in this new blend, and even more pretzels than before. If I wanted a bag of pretzels, wouldn't I just buy a bag of pretzels? Gardetto's got me with the double Z's, but I don't think I'll be purchasing their pizzeria flavor again.

Things That Will Pass for Pizza

There's something about being a kid that gives every adult license to talk about you as if you're not even there, at church, family get-togethers, school, everywhere. So I got a reputation for being a picky eater, rightfully earned. I was averse to the seasoned meat in tacos (it tends to smell like an arm pit). Also, I wasn't into pizza with pepperoni, or a sauce that likely will taste like spaghetti-os. So I never ate school cafeteria pizza, but I was always curious.

At my household, we like to go down to Odon Indiana, for their meat locker. In the freezer, they had a bag of these pizza-ish squares, and I had to try it. The dough tastes like a flour and water pancake, like I used to make when I was first living on my own and didn't know how to cook. The sauce is a little better than Spaghetti-os, but not better than Chef Boyardee. Neither sauce is as good as that in the Great Value brand spaghetti rings.

I love the little nerd-like, nugget-style sausage bits, but the ones on this pizza are not very good. They don't taste like much of anything, so it's more like eating rubber than sausage. Justine informed me this pizza isn't as good as that in school cafeterias. So maybe I missed out, but I didn't want to give into enjoying a cheap bastard version of pizza, not as a kid. I knew that if I pretended to like school pizza, then I'd have to eat it all the time, and eat less of the things I actually enjoyed. No thanks. I needed every freedom I could get.

Go Yogurt

Think of Cheese, a sort of messed-up Adult version of Milk, the food of Infancy. Why is it so good? Is it our desire to regress and reform? Return to the human whey? Cheese. Such a long shelf life. Part of an advanced culture, it pairs with wine. Both can be expensive. Cheese has value. Yogurt is scum. Sour Cream is rotten. Milk is for babies.

Cheese/Milk = Modern Adult Human/Infant Human = X/Y
Solve for X and Y
American = Bill Gates
Roquefort = Shaq
Vermont Cheddar = Robert at the C Store
Chevre = Gandhi
Let's go Yogurt

A good looking Honda Civic

 

When we moved into our current house, I thought perhaps the neighborhood was too boujee for me because our neighbors owned (not one, but) two fresh Honda Civics. I thought they would likely cry about how loud I rock and how often I clean the cat box. For no great reason, I've always associated fresh Hondas with class climbers. I was walking around somewhere and found this old Civic, looking awesome. One time I saw a Civic on the high way and I could have sworn it was from 1990. Like a tall drink of water, yet aging like a sharp cheddar.  

a time for gravy

 

Since I gave up on french fries and had that dream about gravy, I decided to go ahead and eat a lot of mashed potatoes; never without gravy.  

For some reason, my homemade gravy never feels official.  It's not exactly what you would get in a can or from a chain restaurant.  It's not like mom's.  

My own bastard gravy often fails to fulfill the purpose of true gravy.  

You have to make sure your gravy is never more dense than your mashed potatoes.  Don't be afraid to over-microwave your instant mash.  

I thought maybe if I ate a lot more stuffing, I could satiate its need enough to hold back a little at thanksgiving.  I don't want to immediately pass out after dinner again.  

Canned sausage gravy is an exception.  It's not as good as homemade but homemade is once less fulfilling than from a Hardee's or gas station in Kentucky.  

I got leftover gravy from the restaurant I work at.  

I also got my four wisdom teeth pulled, encouraging me to eat more mashed potatoes and gravy.  

Mash with real potatoes is not always as good as instant.  You have to boil your potatoes super well or else they'll be too starchy.  

I think grocery store delis charge way too much for mashed potatoes, considering how cheap their chicken is.  

I don't know if I'll ever get sick of stuffing.  I think stove top is better than what my mom makes.  

I could have had more mashed potatoes and gravy but at times, fixing it can be inconvenient.  I can't really abide an inconvenient meal.  Otherwise I'd eat more fast food.  

My favorite plate is the Corelle with green flowers.  Every time I see a Corelle plate, I compliment it and try to eat off of it.  

My neighborhood top 5

#5.  This lot on the corner of 10th and Summit.  There are so many trees, you can't see through it.  Sometimes it sounds like a rainforest.  

#4.  My friend Amy's cool witch house.  

#3.  This Suzuki SX4 on Adam's street, right by 11th.  I usually love the color black, but not when it comes to cars.  That's okay.  This whip is still really cool.  

#2.  This dog on 10th street.  He/she is really cute and doesn't like me very much.  

#1.  The empty lot next to my house where I have no neighbors.  We call it Chi Chi's field.  It's where all dogs can poop freely.  

Honorable mention is Mitch's house.  This is the front door actually.  He's not allowed to use the driveway because his landlord doesn't want to grant possession of it to any of his tenants.  Larry probably uses the driveway as a selling point in his bait and switch slumlord operation.  JK.  Larry is a nice guy.  

A blog with a purpose

 That is what I present to you.  For years I have been asking close friends and total strangers this gnawing question.  "Where can I find the human equivalent to dog food?"  I am sick and tired of constantly combating questions like.  "What do I eat?"  "Is it worth the effort?"  "Is it worth my money?"  "Is it worth the calories?"  

I've had enough.  I am a busy man who eats to live and doesn't live to eat.  If it's not pizza, it doesn't matter and you don't matter.  Somebody please find me a can of food.

How the Chicks Blew it with the Name Change.

They're a great band.  I respect them taking Dixie out of their name.  That part of the name change is cool.  

Would it have defeated the purpose to additionally alter their name to the Chix or the Chyx?  What if they were simply called CHyX?  That would be so much cooler.  

As a kid, I wasn't super into the Dixie Chicks.  Their name didn't have anything to do with it.  I just wasn't inclined to pop country, even though their songs are catchy, they shred, and their lyrics are great.  They're just you know... country.  Not alternative.  Not freaks.  They'll never make a nu metal song.  

What do you think I'm doing?

There's nothing like being told to do something that you've already been doing for every second of your entire life.  Can I at least get a shred of recognition for the answering of the growling I've already done?  My whole life, I've felt completely understood by the world.  However, now it seems like nobody get it.  I'm already answering the growl.  Is it not apparent?  What can I do to better demonstrate my answer?  Either way I'm sick of being bossed around and I'm sick of being told what to do and I'm sick of being told to do something that another entity is going to tell me to do.