My Uncle Oswald by Roald Dahl

I'd always been into Roald Dahl, as a kid and even a younger adult with an interest in literature. Dahl just knew what would work to draw us into his stories, always sneaking in some big picture stuff. Continually, I put down his books with a renewed dose of enlightenment and inspiration.

This book isn't like that. It's for adults, with an adult flavor of magic, packed with raunch, rape, and all manner of adult-only stuff as told by Uncle Oswald. The most foul breed of genius that would be admirable if you were less disgusted with him. This look into Dahl's other nature was a pretty big turn-off for me, no big loss for this thirty sex year old.

Choke by Chuck Palaniuk

This book is a story of a sex addict, told by himself. He's had a messed up life and he's a messed up guy. And when us readers are more than ready to find out how it ends, our minds are blown. But I felt less than blown away.

Damned by Chuck Palaniuk

I wonder if every Chuck Palaniuk novel forever will have "from the Author of Fight Club" on its cover. But Damned is every bit as gruesome and edgy, almost gratuitously so. It's about a preteen girl who goes to hell and becomes a telemarketer. People go to hell for not obeying Jesus, who is the top deity of our time, and all the old gods are demons. Hell is pretty bad, but not everyone there is so bad. The worst people are apparently the Hollywood narcissists, materialists, and modern day pharisees. I can get with that. Goodreads tells me Damned is part of a series, which has me wondering about Chuck and his agent. Really, I should read more of his work before deciding whether or not Damned is Chuck's second best book, and worthy of its own series. Either way, I don't think he's going to have another Fight Club, made legendary by its cool movie.

Dog Eat Dog (feat. Nicolas Cage)

In Dog Eat Dog, Cage brings back the edge, starring alongside superstar Willem Dafoe. Cage is Troy and Dafoe is Mad Dog. Their characters are racist, but they have a dark skinned partner named Diesel. He didn't make it onto the movie poster. Together they make a trio of drugged-out, sleazy ex-cons, ripping off other criminals. You might presume they're the worst of the worst.

You might also think with all the drugs, they'd be a little paranoid, especially Mad Dog, a reputable loose cannon. Troy is the smart, theoretical one, longing for someone to share his interests that are not drugs and crime. Diesel is the brooding hard ass, the cool one. It sounds like a fun life they have, doing a job and then partying until the next one. After all, they have a boss who finds them work. But let's face it, this motley crew isn't really the type to do every type of job. And what if they take an impossible to resist job which they are sure to fail?

Cage does some good acting in this film, and I'm not sure what it is that made him try so hard. Maybe he had some good directing. He even says one of my favorite phrases, "I heard that." Dafoe is, of course, amazing. In fact, all the acting is pretty all right.

With Dog Eat Dog, we are pitched with a heist-style story, with the odds low and the stakes high, all spelled out for the viewers. The thing about this trio of heroes, is we get a chance to sympathize with at least one of them enough to hope for their success. With such an obvious set-up, this film does more than surprise. Even I took a few shocks and felt some sad, not in the obvious "isn't your mind blown???" sense of many Cage films. Among the darkness and gun violence, I found this film to be fairly satisfying.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Birdy
6. Wild at Heart
7. Dog Eat Dog
8. Color Out of Space
9. Peggy Sue Got Married
10. City of Angels
11. Bangkok Dangerous
12. Drive Angry
13. Lord of War
14. Gone in 60 Seconds
15. Matchstick Men
16. Vampire's Kiss
17. Con Air
18. Face/Off
19. Honeymoon in Vegas
20. Amos and Andrew
21. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
22. Bringing Out the Dead
23. The Family Man
24. It Could Happen to You
25. 8mm
26. Ghost Rider
27. Next
28. The Weather Man
29. 211
30. The Croods

The Weather Man (feat. Nicolas Cage)

The Weather Man is like a memoir of a fictional meteoroligist named David Spritzel (Spritz for tv). It’s rated R because there’s a lot of edgy cussing and a scene where David (he’s the narrator) explains to us what a Camel Toe is. I hate it when a movie grossly underestimates my intelligence by taking great lengths to explain, in gory detail, something I’ve known since long before I was old enough to advisably watch R rated films. David lives in the Chicago suburbs and people throw fast food items at him, just because he’s a celebrity. People in Chicago are apparently mean like that. There are a lot of other cool Chicago things going on, like Gold Coast Hot Dogs at the mall. They also say ‘pop’ instead of ‘soda’.

David takes up archery and practices on the (windy) beach to impress his daughter who doesn’t care. Pretty much everything he does is stupid and pointless like that. In fact, David sucks. But he’s the protagonist of our film and we have to care about him, right? Not.

Sometimes I like to have a movie on the background, though. Especially when it’s something that won’t draw me in and stress me out. This is that kind of film and it might be the worst thing Michael Cain’s ever been in. I forgive him, though, he probably thinks he needs the work to pay for his grandchildren to go to university.
Let’s rank these Nicolas Cage Films.

1. Raising Arizona
2. City of Angels
3. Gone in Sixty Seconds
4. Matchstick Men
5. The Family Man
6. The Weather Man
7. The Croods