The Old Way (feat. Nicolas Cage)

The Old Way is a Classic Cage Revenge Film, with a twist or two. This time it's a western, and it's a reasonably achieved western. Like any good western, it's dark and the good guys are also pretty bad. Outlaws if you will. Colton Braggs (played by Cage) is especially famous for being the most vicious, violent, despicable of mercenary killers. With that, we get a little revenge on top of revenge, as Colton has many enemies. However, he has a very special daughter. A precociouss type of Mary Sue. A cute, smart, dutiful daughter can be the exact weakness our guy needs. We are also shown quickly that he very much adores his wife. She is very important to Colton in his later, settled-down life. Alas, the settled down life doesn't last long. It's nice to have that big theater-sounding banjo and fiddle score to fit the heavy and light moments. Again, those light moments don't last long.

Cage lets his rage out and goes a little crazy, which is an expected treat that's not always delivered. While surprises were intended for this film, no such surprises were delivered. I guess director Brett Donowho just wanted to try his hand at a western, which he did just fine. MmmmHmmm. The pacing and vibe are all there. It's a fine movie. Not Mighty Fine.

1. Raising Arizona
2. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
3. Leaving Las Vegas
4. Red Rock West
5. Adaptation
6. Pig
7. Birdy
8. Wild at Heart
9. Renfield
10. Joe
11. National Treasure
12. Guarding Tess
13. Snake Eyes
14. Mandy
15. Dog Eat Dog
16. Color Out of Space
17. Mom and Dad
18. World Trade Center
19. Peggy Sue Got Married
20. The Rock
21. Zandalee
22. Prisoners of the Ghostland
23. City of Angels
24. Willy's Wonderland
25. Jiu Jitsu
26. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
27. Bangkok Dangerous
28. Drive Angry
29. Army of One
30. Lord of War
31. Gone in 60 Seconds
32. Matchstick Men
33. Vampire's Kiss
34. Con Air
35. Face/Off
36. Outcast
37. Trapped in Paradise
38. The Boy in Blue
39. Honeymoon in Vegas
40. Deadfall
41. Amos and Andrew
42. Moonstruck
43. Tokarev
44. The Sorcerer's Apprentice

45. The Old Way

46. Knowing
47. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
48. Bringing Out the Dead
49. The Family Man
50. Stolen
51. Season of the Witch
52. It Could Happen to You
53. The Wicker Man
54. Inconceivable
55. 8mm
56. The Frozen Ground
57. Left Behind
58. A Score to Settle
59. Pay the Ghost
60. Primal
61. Dying of the Light
62. Grand Isle
63. Looking Glass
64. Arsenal
65. Between Worlds
66. Ghost Rider
67. Trespass
68. The Humanity Bureau
69. Next
70. The Weather Man
71. 211
72. Fire Birds
73. The Croods

Outcast (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Outcast is a film about knights who kill women and children. Some do it for Christ. Some only threaten to do it out of pride. I like when movies conjure the spirit of Master Splinter, with a long whiskered man using 'my son' in every sentence. More films should have that for sure. It really makes me want to talk to my dad again, so I can constantly refer to him as 'my father'. My Son assassinates My Father in China, for the throne which is rightfully his, and the weak, peaceful son runs off to avoid execution and become a great warrior.

Meanwhile the action prince (Christenson) and the action King (Cage) get tired of killing women and children. When their great Crusades are over is where we get into the meat of this film. Our heroes had talked about going east, where they might do some use their swords for good. As fate would have it, our crusaders show up at the right place at the right time to restore justice to China and become the heroes they always wanted to be. Or do they? My son, you will have to watch the film to find out.

For some reason, this film got a score of 0 on rotten tomatoes, which I don't entirely understand. These raters obviously haven't seen the Crudes. I very much enjoyed watching beautiful, grown-up Hayden Christenson with a British accent and beautiful princess Lian (played by Liu Yifei). There could have been more Cage, but I know he's a busy man with better movies to focus on. To some extent, he is the true hero of our story. Sure, the Chinese might have saved themselves without Nicolas Cage but that is not the world we live in. If this film were made today, I don't think they'd name his character Gallain. It sounds too much like Ghislaine.

Is this film totally predictable? Yes, but only as whole. There are some fun, grunty action scenes. Does it put a new angle on historical events? No, but it does romanticize a foreign time and place we'd otherwise be left to imagine. Does it say anything new about our current world? He is the lesson of the film: If you neglect your values, you can have a profoundly negative effect on the spirits of your friends. And if you're lucky, you can make things right. Not horrible. Maybe it's just a rehashing of the trauma one experiences from life in battle. Maybe there is only one god, but he/she wears many faces. I could be wrong on all accounts. Maybe Hayden Christenson always had a british accent and I never noticed.

best quote: But the Guards... Cut. Out. Her. Tongue!

1. Raising Arizona
2. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
3. Leaving Las Vegas
4. Red Rock West
5. Adaptation
6. Pig
7. Birdy
8. Wild at Heart
9. Renfield
10. Joe
11. National Treasure
12. Guarding Tess
13. Snake Eyes
14. Mandy
15. Dog Eat Dog
16. Color Out of Space
17. Mom and Dad
18. World Trade Center
19. Peggy Sue Got Married
20. The Rock
21. Zandalee
22. Prisoners of the Ghostland
23. City of Angels
24. Willy's Wonderland
25. Jiu Jitsu
26. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
27. Bangkok Dangerous
28. Drive Angry
29. Army of One
30. Lord of War
31. Gone in 60 Seconds
32. Matchstick Men
33. Vampire's Kiss
34. Con Air
35. Face/Off

36. Outcast

37. Trapped in Paradise
38. The Boy in Blue
39. Honeymoon in Vegas
40. Deadfall
41. Amos and Andrew
42. Moonstruck
43. Tokarev
44. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
45. Knowing
46. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
47. Bringing Out the Dead
48. The Family Man
49. Stolen
50. Season of the Witch
51. It Could Happen to You
52. The Wicker Man
53. Inconceivable
54. 8mm
55. The Frozen Ground
56. Left Behind
57. A Score to Settle
58. Pay the Ghost
59. Primal
60. Dying of the Light
61. Grand Isle
62. Looking Glass
63. Arsenal
64. Between Worlds
65. Ghost Rider
66. Trespass
67. The Humanity Bureau
68. Next
69. The Weather Man
70. 211
71. Fire Birds
72. The Croods

Inconceivable feat. Nicolas Cage

Here we have a thriller about a best friend who is a psycho and killer (but maybe for good reason). This came out 20 years after The Cable Guy made the stereotype into a comedy. Cage isn't the star of this film. He plays the very boring doctor husband of doctor Angela, played by Gina Gershon and her very distracting teeth. I don't know what's up with them. Maybe I'm the one with a problem.

The cast is good though. Everyone is good except for the scenes in which everyone is bad, reading their lines like good workers. It's as if the directors were aiming for mediocrity at best. But I had to keep watching because there's always a chance that the villain will in, or the villain will win and the hero will die, or the hero will die and the villain will lose. I'm not going to tell you what happens, my friend. You're going to have to watch and find out for yourself, unless you can find me one of these family sized papasans. Then I'll give you any spoiler you want.

1. Raising Arizona
2. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
3. Leaving Las Vegas
4. Red Rock West
5. Adaptation
6. Pig
7. Birdy
8. Wild at Heart
9. Renfield
10. Joe
11. National Treasure
12. Guarding Tess
13. Snake Eyes
14. Mandy
15. Dog Eat Dog
16. Color Out of Space
17. Mom and Dad
18. World Trade Center
19. Peggy Sue Got Married
20. The Rock
21. Zandalee
22. Prisoners of the Ghostland
23. City of Angels
24. Willy's Wonderland
25. Jiu Jitsu
26. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
27. Bangkok Dangerous
28. Drive Angry
29. Army of One
30. Lord of War
31. Gone in 60 Seconds
32. Matchstick Men
33. Vampire's Kiss
34. Con Air
35. Face/Off
36. Trapped in Paradise
37. The Boy in Blue
38. Honeymoon in Vegas
39. Deadfall
40. Amos and Andrew
41. Moonstruck
42. Tokarev
43. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
44. Knowing
45. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
46. Bringing Out the Dead
47. The Family Man
48. Stolen
49. Season of the Witch
50. It Could Happen to You
51. The Wicker Man

52. Inconceivable

53. 8mm
54. The Frozen Ground
55. Left Behind
56. A Score to Settle
57. Pay the Ghost
58. Primal
59. Dying of the Light
60. Grand Isle
61. Looking Glass
62. Arsenal
63. Between Worlds
64. Ghost Rider
65. Trespass
66. The Humanity Bureau
67. Next
68. The Weather Man
69. 211
70. Fire Birds
71. The Croods

Renfield (feat. Nicolas Cage)

First off, wow. You're in for a ride. I guess you'd call this film a meta horror comedy. With more comedy than horror, Renfield ties itself immediately to the classic universal Dracula films, starring Nicolas Cage as (Lugosi's) Dracula. Of course this story is mostly about the eponymous Renfield and how he keeps his Dracula up and running to do his thing, while struggling to find his own bit of happiness in this monstrous modern world.

The screwball comedy is strong with this one, which is a plus for me. Nothing compliments violent action better than a punch line, am I right? Even in the romcom-leaning segments the cheap gags don't stop.

While Cage isn't the Star of this film, I don't believe anyone could have played his part better. This time Dracula has a better plan, a bigger plan. World domination. It's a terrifying time indeed to be the servant of such an evil god. Good thing for Renfield, he's got a support group for codependents. It's not like anything else could go wrong to fill this wildly entertaining hour and a half.

1. Raising Arizona
2. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
3. Leaving Las Vegas
4. Red Rock West
5. Adaptation
6. Pig
7. Birdy
8. Wild at Heart

9. Renfield

10. Joe
11. National Treasure
12. Guarding Tess
13. Snake Eyes
14. Mandy
15. Dog Eat Dog
16. Color Out of Space
17. Mom and Dad
18. World Trade Center
19. Peggy Sue Got Married
20. The Rock
21. Zandalee
22. Prisoners of the Ghostland
23. City of Angels
24. Willy's Wonderland
25. Jiu Jitsu
26. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
27. Bangkok Dangerous
28. Drive Angry
29. Army of One
30. Lord of War
31. Gone in 60 Seconds
32. Matchstick Men
33. Vampire's Kiss
34. Con Air
35. Face/Off
36. Trapped in Paradise
37. The Boy in Blue
38. Honeymoon in Vegas
39. Deadfall
40. Amos and Andrew
41. Moonstruck
42. Tokarev
43. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
44. Knowing
45. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
46. Bringing Out the Dead
47. The Family Man
48. Stolen
49. Season of the Witch
50. It Could Happen to You
51. The Wicker Man
52. 8mm
53. The Frozen Ground
54. Left Behind
55. A Score to Settle
56. Pay the Ghost
57. Primal
58. Dying of the Light
59. Grand Isle
60. Looking Glass
61. Arsenal
62. Between Worlds
63. Ghost Rider
64. Trespass
65. The Humanity Bureau
66. Next
67. The Weather Man
68. 211
69. Fire Birds
70. The Croods

Jiu Jitsu (feat. Nicolas Cage)

First off, it's insane how much parts this movie look and feel like a cut scene from a video game but with real actors instead of cgi super heroes like in Marvel things. Even so, this feels more like something from Uncharted. Each scene is set-up with a flash of comic book panels to let you know where our characters are and what they're up to now. And most of the real scenes are packed with choreographed melee with an insane amount of speed flexing (is that the term?). I wish there were more brawls, but that's okay. We have men, ladies, white, black, and asian kicking butt and having a blast when they're not getting their necks broken. While I mentioned ladies, this film certainly fails the Bechdel test, which is no surprise. Most films featuring Nicolas Cage owe it to the man to focus mainly on Him. (I don't capitalize because I'm talking about the christian God, but because I want to make proper the man that is Nicolas Cage who I am referring to as Him).

Our story involves a Burmese god of death who gave Jiu Jitsu to the people. He cometh forth every six years with the appearance of a magic blue comet. Our hero is Jake (not played by Nicolas Cage). Jake gets an amnesia-inducing head injury in his first encounter with said god of death, which requires all characters to remind him what's going on. He's one of the chosen, given the gift of Jiu Jitsu to fight the god of death and keep said god from killing all humans.

Cage plays the funny old guy in Jake's band of plot exposing chosen ones. He should be in the movie more, but I get it. He's not the most qualified martial artist in this bunch. At least he gets to be a hero, if not The hero. Mostly I'm disappointed that the longest and fastest-paced fights are between our actors and our cgi god of death. I really don't care about watching action scenes of cgi characters. Still, I like this kind of movie. I like kung-fu and pointless cape-wearing. It also reminds me of Mortal Kombat meets Predator, which is a good thing in my book.

1. Raising Arizona
2. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
3. Leaving Las Vegas
4. Red Rock West
5. Adaptation
6. Pig
7. Birdy
8. Wild at Heart
9. Joe
10. National Treasure
11. Guarding Tess
12. Snake Eyes
13. Mandy
14. Dog Eat Dog
15. Color Out of Space
16. Mom and Dad
17. World Trade Center
18. Peggy Sue Got Married
19. The Rock
20. Zandalee
21. Prisoners of the Ghostland
22. City of Angels
23. Willy's Wonderland

24. Jiu Jitsu

25. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
26. Bangkok Dangerous
27. Drive Angry
28. Army of One
29. Lord of War
30. Gone in 60 Seconds
31. Matchstick Men
32. Vampire's Kiss
33. Con Air
34. Face/Off
35. Trapped in Paradise
36. The Boy in Blue
37. Honeymoon in Vegas
38. Deadfall
39. Amos and Andrew
40. Moonstruck
41. Tokarev
42. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
43. Knowing
44. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
45. Bringing Out the Dead
46. The Family Man
47. Stolen
48. Season of the Witch
49. It Could Happen to You
50. The Wicker Man
51. 8mm
52. The Frozen Ground
53. Left Behind
54. A Score to Settle
55. Pay the Ghost
56. Primal
57. Dying of the Light
58. Grand Isle
59. Looking Glass
60. Arsenal
61. Between Worlds
62. Ghost Rider
63. Trespass
64. The Humanity Bureau
65. Next
66. The Weather Man
67. 211
68. Fire Birds
69. The Croods

Season of the Witch (feat. Nicolas Cage)

In 1973, there was released another film with this name, but that didn't matter in 2011. Surely this cinematic spectacle with the director from Gone in 60 Seconds would leave all other films in obscurity. Medieval action adventures were all the rage, except for maybe this one.

In this Season of the Witch, Cage and Ron Perlman play buddy Crusader heroes, the best of their brutal breed. With each battle, whoever killed less than the other had to buy drinks for the night. What fun. Eventually they saw the hypocrisy in killing for God, and became deserters. However, Cage's character still wanted to be a hero, and as chance would have it, the two warriors get a chance to save a witch, or at least have her exorcised.

After some really weak battle scenes, the adventure ensues. There are some fun sword fights with a young cleric with surprising prowess. Then there's a scene with a rickety bridge. Standard fare for this genre. I see how this film seemed like a good idea at the time, but its end product failed on most levels.

I understand that medieval settings are tricky and expensive, but there were a lot of bad shots in this film. In most scenes, there's no sense of space and pacing, as there are rarely more than one or two people in each shot, constantly cutting from one to the next.

The hero boys talk to each other more like badasses in a western and less like the Teutonic knights they should be. With Perlman, there isn't much dialogue. He mostly responds with tough one liners before moving on to smash things. With Season of the Witch, there are no surprises and no immersion.

1. Raising Arizona
2. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
3. Leaving Las Vegas
4. Red Rock West
5. Adaptation
6. Pig
7. Birdy
8. Wild at Heart
9. Joe
10. National Treasure
11. Guarding Tess
12. Snake Eyes
13. Mandy
14. Dog Eat Dog
15. Color Out of Space
16. Mom and Dad
17. World Trade Center
18. Peggy Sue Got Married
19. The Rock
20. Zandalee
21. Prisoners of the Ghostland
22. City of Angels
23. Willy's Wonderland
24. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
25. Bangkok Dangerous
26. Drive Angry
27. Army of One
28. Lord of War
29. Gone in 60 Seconds
30. Matchstick Men
31. Vampire's Kiss
32. Con Air
33. Face/Off
34. Trapped in Paradise
35. The Boy in Blue
36. Honeymoon in Vegas
37. Deadfall
38. Amos and Andrew
39. Moonstruck
40. Tokarev
41. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
42. Knowing
43. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
44. Bringing Out the Dead
45. The Family Man
46. Stolen

47. Season of the Witch

48. It Could Happen to You
49. The Wicker Man
50. 8mm
51. The Frozen Ground
52. Left Behind
53. A Score to Settle
54. Pay the Ghost
55. Primal
56. Dying of the Light
57. Grand Isle
58. Looking Glass
59. Arsenal
60. Between Worlds
61. Ghost Rider
62. Trespass
63. The Humanity Bureau
64. Next
65. The Weather Man
66. 211
67. Fire Birds
68. The Croods

The Rock (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Released in 1996, The Rock is one of those covert military op films, for people who like that kind of thing. For its time, it's pretty edgy, giving a little extra juice to those who like Tom Clancy things. I've heard the quote "All is fair in love and war", which we know now to be false. In fact with war, nothing is fair, which gives us a certain amount of sympathy for our antagonist, General Francis Hummel (played by Ed Harris). Hummel is a hero of the Vietnam war. Seeking reparations for himself and his comrades, he seizes Alcatraz (The Rock) with a number of hostages and bio-chemical weapons pointed at San Francisco, in a hostage situation with our government.

Of course our 'Don't Tread On Me' country can't let Hummel get away with this, so it forms a team of navy seals while coercing a chemist in the employ of the FBI named Stanley Goodspeed (played by Nicolas Cage) into taking part in the mission, as they need him to dismantle the weapons. But to break into Alcatraz, they need to employ the only man who has ever successfully escaped from the prision, John Mason (played by Sean Connery).

So Cage gets to play an arrogant, but noble chemist in all of his brilliant 90s Nick Cage fashion while Sean Connery gets to display his talents for always somehow playing a total badass. The badass and the noble chemist make good... chemistry for this film, that is no doubt. While I would rate this film highly among its peers, I'm just not really into these violent tales of military heroism. The Rock hasn't very well stood the test of time, regarding predictability, calls for character sympathy, and its eye-rolling attempts at humor. I guess the writers thought including a very gay hairdresser would fill the theater with ROFLing.

The story itself is well presented, giving the audience a few moments to guess what's going on. And I like how the antagonist himself has a character arc, which is super rare for a Cage film. Speaking of Cage films, the action in The Rock does not make the cut. Most of it is delegated to bullet storms and a singular car chase. While there were a few, forgiveable of stretches in plausibility you'd expect from any action thriller, it's far more immersive than the likes of Face/Off. But it dragged on for too long, with little we didn't see coming.

1. Raising Arizona
2. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
3. Leaving Las Vegas
4. Red Rock West
5. Adaptation
6. Pig
7. Birdy
8. Wild at Heart
9. Joe
10. National Treasure
11. Guarding Tess
12. Snake Eyes
13. Mandy
14. Dog Eat Dog
15. Color Out of Space
16. Mom and Dad
17. World Trade Center
18. Peggy Sue Got Married

19. The Rock

20. Zandalee
21. Prisoners of the Ghostland
22. City of Angels
23. Willy's Wonderland
24. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
25. Bangkok Dangerous
26. Drive Angry
27. Army of One
28. Lord of War
29. Gone in 60 Seconds
30. Matchstick Men
31. Vampire's Kiss
32. Con Air
33. Face/Off
34. Trapped in Paradise
35. The Boy in Blue
36. Honeymoon in Vegas
37. Deadfall
38. Amos and Andrew
39. Moonstruck
40. Tokarev
41. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
42. Knowing
43. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
44. Bringing Out the Dead
45. The Family Man
46. Stolen
47. It Could Happen to You
48. The Wicker Man
49. 8mm
50. The Frozen Ground
51. Left Behind
52. A Score to Settle
53. Pay the Ghost
54. Primal
55. Dying of the Light
56. Grand Isle
57. Looking Glass
58. Arsenal
59. Between Worlds
60. Ghost Rider
61. Trespass
62. The Humanity Bureau
63. Next
64. The Weather Man
65. 211
66. Fire Birds
67. The Croods

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (feat. Nicolas Cage)

You've probably heard of this movie, the one in which Nicolas Cage plays himself. What a gimmick! But the meta quality of this film provides a depth of context that wouldn't otherwise be possible. Cage could play a great and famous actor, but there's only one Nicolas Cage, and the fact that characters in the film an reference his work tells much about who they are.

So in the film, Cage is having trouble maintaining his self image, relations with his family, and his finances. In fact, he's so into acting it's hard for him to keep in touch with everything else. When he doesn't get a role he was going for, he decides to perhaps retire, and to settle his debts, takes a gig for a million dollars just to attend a wealthy fan's birthday party.

But he doesn't expect this wealthy fan to become his new best friend, or for the FBI to rangle into a dangerous task of finding a woman this new friend (Javi) is said to have kidnapped in order to ransom favor for his criminal enterprise. Furthermore, I won't spoil the rest.

In this gripping film, you never entierely know what's going on, but the relationships are touching and the action sequences are hilarious. Javi can't help himself but pretend he's in a movie with Nick at every chance he gets, and the directing follows every cue without flaw. This film ranks up there with The In Laws as a perfect buddy action comedy, and it is all the hype. Don't snooze on it.

1. Raising Arizona

2. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

3. Leaving Las Vegas
4. Red Rock West
5. Adaptation
6. Pig
7. Birdy
8. Wild at Heart
9. Joe
10. National Treasure
11. Guarding Tess
12. Snake Eyes
13. Mandy
14. Dog Eat Dog
15. Color Out of Space
16. Mom and Dad
17. World Trade Center
18. Peggy Sue Got Married
19. Zandalee
20. Prisoners of the Ghostland
21. City of Angels
22. Willy's Wonderland
23. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
24. Bangkok Dangerous
25. Drive Angry
26. Army of One
27. Lord of War
28. Gone in 60 Seconds
29. Matchstick Men
30. Vampire's Kiss
31. Con Air
32. Face/Off
33. Trapped in Paradise
34. The Boy in Blue
35. Honeymoon in Vegas
36. Deadfall
37. Amos and Andrew
38. Moonstruck
39. Tokarev
40. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
41. Knowing
42. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
43. Bringing Out the Dead
44. The Family Man
45. Stolen
46. It Could Happen to You
47. The Wicker Man
48. 8mm
49. The Frozen Ground
50. Left Behind
51. A Score to Settle
52. Pay the Ghost
53. Primal
54. Dying of the Light
55. Grand Isle
56. Looking Glass
57. Arsenal
58. Between Worlds
59. Ghost Rider
60. Trespass
61. The Humanity Bureau
62. Next
63. The Weather Man
64. 211
65. Fire Birds
66. The Croods

The Wicker Man (feat. Nicolas Cage)

In the early years of Saturn Films, it must have made a lot of sense to remake this 70s cult classic. The Wicker Man was ahead of its time and didn't make much money. But a remake could make a lot of money, especially if the film's most expensive asset (Nicolas Cage) was working for free.

Cage plays police officer Edward Malus who goes on a mission to find a missing child, the daughter of his ex-fiance. She lives on an island with a neo-pagan cult who make honey. Interesting twist, he's severely allergic to bees. Everything's weird and creepy on this island, and it only gets worse as he uncovers the mystery of the missing child.

I can't give much more away without spoiling the film. The mystery element lends a fine excuse for a few of the meaningless plot points. It keeps you wondering. At times it felt like I was watching a high school production of grease instead of the real thing. I get that the movie is meant to be weird, trying to be weird. I found the result boring and contrived.

You may have seen the bad reviews, or the meme of Cage freaking out over the bees. And despite its occasional failures to immerse, I don't think 2006's The Wicker Man was so awful. It wasn't so good either.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Pig
6. Birdy
7. Wild at Heart
8. Joe
9. National Treasure
10. Guarding Tess
11. Snake Eyes
12. Mandy
13. Dog Eat Dog
14. Color Out of Space
15. Mom and Dad
16. World Trade Center
17. Peggy Sue Got Married
18. Zandalee
19. Prisoners of the Ghostland
20. City of Angels
21. Willy's Wonderland
22. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
23. Bangkok Dangerous
24. Drive Angry
25. Army of One
26. Lord of War
27. Gone in 60 Seconds
28. Matchstick Men
29. Vampire's Kiss
30. Con Air
31. Face/Off
32. Trapped in Paradise
33. The Boy in Blue
34. Honeymoon in Vegas
35. Deadfall
36. Amos and Andrew
37. Moonstruck
38. Tokarev
39. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
40. Knowing
41. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
42. Bringing Out the Dead
43. The Family Man
44. Stolen
45. It Could Happen to You

46. The Wicker Man

47. 8mm
48. The Frozen Ground
49. Left Behind
50. A Score to Settle
51. Pay the Ghost
52. Primal
53. Dying of the Light
54. Grand Isle
55. Looking Glass
56. Arsenal
57. Between Worlds
58. Ghost Rider
59. Trespass
60. The Humanity Bureau
61. Next
62. The Weather Man
63. 211
64. Fire Birds
65. The Croods

Mandy (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Do you like heavy metal, sci-fi, and 80s horror? If so, this is the film for you. And it feels more genuine than pandering to its demographic. It feels good. Almost every shot fades to black, and fades in from black. The psychedelic touches don't go too far, turning the film into an incomprehensible mess. Mysteries built in the first half of the movie are resolved in the second half, but getting there is dreadfully slow with an emphasis on Dread.

And then you figure out Mandy is yet another Cage revenge/Cage saves girl movie. Despite Cage's wonderful performance within the powerful flex of director Panos Cosmatos, this is just a fancied-up version of every other Cage film of the era. I really thought there was going to be a stronger sci-fi element, but there wasn't. Despite a wonderfully immersive presentation, Mandy hardly qualifies as a horror film. So with its merits, I will rank it higher than the other Cage's other revenge films. But gosh, I was really hoping for something more original.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Pig
6. Birdy
7. Wild at Heart
8. Joe
9. National Treasure
10. Guarding Tess
11. Snake Eyes

12. Mandy

13. Dog Eat Dog
14. Color Out of Space
15. Mom and Dad
16. World Trade Center
17. Peggy Sue Got Married
18. Zandalee
19. Prisoners of the Ghostland
20. City of Angels
21. Willy's Wonderland
22. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
23. Bangkok Dangerous
24. Drive Angry
25. Army of One
26. Lord of War
27. Gone in 60 Seconds
28. Matchstick Men
29. Vampire's Kiss
30. Con Air
31. Face/Off
32. Trapped in Paradise
33. The Boy in Blue
34. Honeymoon in Vegas
35. Kill Chain
36. Deadfall
37. Amos and Andrew
38. Moonstruck
39. Tokarev
40. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
41. Knowing
42. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
43. Bringing Out the Dead
44. The Family Man
45. Stolen
46. It Could Happen to You
47. 8mm
48. The Frozen Ground
49. Left Behind
50. A Score to Settle
51. Pay the Ghost
52. Primal
53. Dying of the Light
54. Grand Isle
55. Looking Glass
56. Arsenal
57. Between Worlds
58. Ghost Rider
59. Trespass
60. The Humanity Bureau
61. Next
62. The Weather Man
63. 211
64. Fire Birds
65. The Croods

Dying of the Light (feat. Nicolas Cage)

This 2014 film tells the story of an old CIA agent who can't give up the search for the terrorist Muhammid Banir, who broke off part of his ear. But it's not quite what you'd expect. The film starts off with an edgy speech by Evan Lake (Cage), on why you should choose to be in the CIA. The reason is American Values, whatever that means.

Lake was told 20 years ago to get off the case of Banir, who was dead as far as anyone knew. But of course, Lake couldn't give up and couldn't stop thinking about it. And eventually he comes down with a case of frontotemporal dementia, causing sensory distortions that will continue to get worse until they kill Agent Lake, a condition he tries to hide from the CIA.

With this condition you might expect to see some severe performances from Cage like in Matchstick Men and Bad Leutenant, but that's not the case here. Lake's young protege finds evidence that Banir is alive, but dying of some form of anemia. So said protege, for no logical reason, risks his career to help a dying agent go after his dying nemesis. Aside from being a criminal, the only thing Lake has against him is the missing piece of his stupid ear.

In Romania, they meet the only female character in the film, who also happens to be a past love interest of Cage's character. Like 80% of these Cage films. The stakes are pretty low here, and viewers are never given a reason to care about any character. I might dare to say the characters in this film are stupid. Lake is in the CIA, so he doesn't have a family or anything. He's just an anonymous agent who's going to die soon anyway. After a weak action scene and a vh1-esque hallucination scene, it all ends with someone getting poked in the eye really hard.

So this movie isn't very good. There are some mildly oppulant bad parts, but nothing really worth seeing.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Pig
6. Birdy
7. Wild at Heart
8. Joe
9. National Treasure
10. Guarding Tess
11. Snake Eyes
12. Dog Eat Dog
13. Color Out of Space
14. Mom and Dad
15. World Trade Center
16. Peggy Sue Got Married
17. Zandalee
18. Prisoners of the Ghostland
19. City of Angels
20. Willy's Wonderland
21. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
22. Bangkok Dangerous
23. Drive Angry
24. Army of One
25. Lord of War
26. Gone in 60 Seconds
27. Matchstick Men
28. Vampire's Kiss
29. Con Air
30. Face/Off
31. Trapped in Paradise
32. The Boy in Blue
33. Honeymoon in Vegas
34. Kill Chain
35. Deadfall
36. Amos and Andrew
37. Moonstruck
38. Tokarev
39. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
40. Knowing
41. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
42. Bringing Out the Dead
43. The Family Man
44. Stolen
45. It Could Happen to You
46. 8mm
47. The Frozen Ground
48. Left Behind
49. A Score to Settle
50. Pay the Ghost
51. Primal

52. Dying of the Light

53. Grand Isle
54. Looking Glass
55. Arsenal
56. Between Worlds
57. Ghost Rider
58. Trespass
59. The Humanity Bureau
60. Next
61. The Weather Man
62. 211
63. Fire Birds
64. The Croods

Kill Chain (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Here's another noir crime film where Cage plays the badass of badasses. There are no good guys, just a bunch of criminals and crooked cops killing each other as planned. The fun thing about this kind of movie is, while the arcs aren't especially strong, us viewers can never predict what's going to happen. And since Cage's character is smart and has made a few honorable sacrifices, we're disposed to root for him.

The aesthetic and direction are also especially good with this one. So if you're especially into violent noir stuff, stabbing vixens, or Nick Cage, I think you'll like this film. While it doesn't have a ton to offer, I don't think any part of it was bad. In fact I found it equally timely and entertaining. So far, my favorite Cage film of 2019.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Pig
6. Birdy
7. Wild at Heart
8. Joe
9. National Treasure
10. Guarding Tess
11. Snake Eyes
12. Dog Eat Dog
13. Color Out of Space
14. Mom and Dad
15. World Trade Center
16. Peggy Sue Got Married
17. Zandalee
18. Prisoners of the Ghostland
19. City of Angels
20. Willy's Wonderland
21. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
22. Bangkok Dangerous
23. Drive Angry
24. Army of One
25. Lord of War
26. Gone in 60 Seconds
27. Matchstick Men
28. Vampire's Kiss
29. Con Air
30. Face/Off
31. Trapped in Paradise
32. The Boy in Blue
33. Honeymoon in Vegas

34. Kill Chain

35. Deadfall
36. Amos and Andrew
37. Moonstruck
38. Tokarev
39. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
40. Knowing
41. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
42. Bringing Out the Dead
43. The Family Man
44. Stolen
45. It Could Happen to You
46. 8mm
47. The Frozen Ground
48. Left Behind
49. A Score to Settle
50. Pay the Ghost
51. Primal
52. Grand Isle
53. Looking Glass
54. Arsenal
55. Between Worlds
56. Ghost Rider
57. Trespass
58. The Humanity Bureau
59. Next
60. The Weather Man
61. 211
62. Fire Birds
63. The Croods

A Score to Settle (feat. Nicolas Cage)

In this turd from 2019, Cage plays a young mob enforcer who takes, for a hefty fee, takes the fall for a murder commited by his boss. 19 years later, Cage's character (Frank Carver) is released from jail, but he's dying of some disease. Frank's son, all grown-up and financially supported by the mob, picks him up and they make up for lost time. Sound Familiar?

Frank and son get along okay, but eventually the son gets his shot at a pitifully contrived monologue about how his Frank's a hypocrite and not much of a father. Fair enough, seeing how after spending a lot of money on his suits, hotels, whores, and hotels, Frank's main objective is to get revenge on his old boss. The money wasn't enough. After all, he missed seeing his son grow-up, and now he's dying. The stakes are low.

All the while Cage is getting into violent trouble and suffering with us thorugh some blurry, low framerate spells of his sickness, which he is going to die from. I can't spoil the story, but some people have a wooden happy ending and others don't. Cage gets to have a freak-out, which he might as well, since he was presumably intended to carry this entire Saturn Film. Every other actor in this film blows their one and only shot to be in a real movie.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Pig
6. Birdy
7. Wild at Heart
8. Joe
9. National Treasure
10. Guarding Tess
11. Snake Eyes
12. Dog Eat Dog
13. Color Out of Space
14. Mom and Dad
15. World Trade Center
16. Peggy Sue Got Married
17. Zandalee
18. Prisoners of the Ghostland
19. City of Angels
20. Willy's Wonderland
21. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
22. Bangkok Dangerous
23. Drive Angry
24. Army of One
25. Lord of War
26. Gone in 60 Seconds
27. Matchstick Men
28. Vampire's Kiss
29. Con Air
30. Face/Off
31. Trapped in Paradise
32. The Boy in Blue
33. Honeymoon in Vegas
34. Deadfall
35. Amos and Andrew
36. Moonstruck
37. Tokarev
38. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
39. Knowing
40. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
41. Bringing Out the Dead
42. The Family Man
43. Stolen
44. It Could Happen to You
45. 8mm
46. The Frozen Ground
47. Left Behind

48. A Score to Settle

49. Pay the Ghost
50. Primal
51. Grand Isle
52. Looking Glass
53. Arsenal
54. Between Worlds
55. Ghost Rider
56. Trespass
57. The Humanity Bureau
58. Next
59. The Weather Man
60. 211
61. Fire Birds
62. The Croods

Tokarev (feat. Nicolas Cage)

This film has a lot in common with Stolen, which came out two years earlier. Cage plays an ex-criminal who goes straight and becomes a successful business man. His boss lets him go clean, because his wife's dying and somebody needs to be around to take care of the daughter. Said daughter becomes a teen and gets kidnapped/murdered.

So Cage and his old buddies go and take out anyone who might have made enemies with them in the past, including every sect of organized crime. And the cops, one played by Danny Glover, want Cage's character to go free. They sympathize, despite all of the recent, extra killing. And there's a lot of violence. While I said I can't sympathize with a protagonist who thinks with his trigger finger, I can buy it with this one. Tokarev is a story of revenge and consequences, and everyone pays.

Despite it's obviously contrived premise, I still think this movie is a cut above Cage's other actiony films of the 2010s. The action is just better. The character arch is effective, and everything is bleak and (fairly) immersive. To top it off, Tokarev gives us a true Nicolas Cage freak-out. I admit some of the acting is weak, and some of the scenes look like they're from a bad tv show, but that's never been enough to ruin the experience.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Pig
6. Birdy
7. Wild at Heart
8. Joe
9. National Treasure
10. Guarding Tess
11. Snake Eyes
12. Dog Eat Dog
13. Color Out of Space
14. Mom and Dad
15. World Trade Center
16. Peggy Sue Got Married
17. Zandalee
18. Prisoners of the Ghostland
19. City of Angels
20. Willy's Wonderland
21. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
22. Bangkok Dangerous
23. Drive Angry
24. Army of One
25. Lord of War
26. Gone in 60 Seconds
27. Matchstick Men
28. Vampire's Kiss
29. Con Air
30. Face/Off
31. Trapped in Paradise
32. The Boy in Blue
33. Honeymoon in Vegas
34. Deadfall
35. Amos and Andrew
36. Moonstruck

37. Tokarev

38. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
39. Knowing
40. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
41. Bringing Out the Dead
42. The Family Man
43. Stolen
44. It Could Happen to You
45. 8mm
46. The Frozen Ground
47. Left Behind
48. Pay the Ghost
49. Primal
50. Grand Isle
51. Looking Glass
52. Arsenal
53. Between Worlds
54. Ghost Rider
55. Trespass
56. The Humanity Bureau
57. Next
58. The Weather Man
59. 211
60. Fire Birds
61. The Croods

Pay the Ghost (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Honestly I expected more from the promise of this supernatural horror with Sarah Wayne from the Walking Dead. I don't think it's a bad movie. It was made well, and the aim was right. It's just, for a scary movie, not scary at all. Super boring.

Pay the Ghost tells the story of Mike Lawford, a college professor who's busy trying to get his tenure. His wife and son don't like this about him, and he misses Halloween. But there's a carnival, which Mike takes little Charlie to. So it's not so bad. But Charlie disappears. And every Halloween extra kids disappear, and it's cause of a ghost.

Time jumps ahead a full year, where most of the film is spent watching Mike and (wife) Kristen deal with the loss of their son, trying to figure out what happened to him. But there's no new element of danger. They're just trying to find their kid. Worst case scenario, after a whole year, Charlie remains missing. The worst is over before we get to the bulk of the film.

They really blew it with this one.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Pig
6. Birdy
7. Wild at Heart
8. Joe
9. National Treasure
10. Guarding Tess
11. Snake Eyes
12. Dog Eat Dog
13. Color Out of Space
14. Mom and Dad
15. World Trade Center
16. Peggy Sue Got Married
17. Zandalee
18. Prisoners of the Ghostland
19. City of Angels
20. Willy's Wonderland
21. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
22. Bangkok Dangerous
23. Drive Angry
24. Army of One
25. Lord of War
26. Gone in 60 Seconds
27. Matchstick Men
28. Vampire's Kiss
29. Con Air
30. Face/Off
31. Trapped in Paradise
32. The Boy in Blue
33. Honeymoon in Vegas
34. Deadfall
35. Amos and Andrew
36. Moonstruck
37. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
38. Knowing
39. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
40. Bringing Out the Dead
41. The Family Man
42. Stolen
43. It Could Happen to You
44. 8mm
45. The Frozen Ground
46. Left Behind

47. Pay the Ghost

48. Primal
49. Grand Isle
50. Looking Glass
51. Arsenal
52. Between Worlds
53. Ghost Rider
54. Trespass
55. The Humanity Bureau
56. Next
57. The Weather Man
58. 211
59. Fire Birds
60. The Croods

Stolen (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Stolen tells the story of bank robber Will Montgomery, played by Nicolas Cage. He gets busted while his accomplices run free, and to prevent a harsher sentence, Will burns the money. After all, he has a beloved daughter, and doesn't want to miss out on her entire upbringing. Fast forward 8 years and daughter Alison, played by Sami Gayle, is less than forgiving. Neither are Will's accomplices, who along with some FBI members, think the money's hidden somewhere.

In fact one of such accomplices has grown bitter enough to fake his own death and kidnap sweet, adorable Alison, for a ransom of ten million dollars. So Will has to come up with the money, but how? All he knows how to do is rob banks? To make matters worse, it's Fat Tuesday in New Orleans. So the premise is pretty all right, but nothing is especially well executed in this film. And I have a hard time rooting for a protagonist who thinks with his trigger finger. The action is all right, directed by Con-Air's Simon West, whose craft hasn't grown much since the 90s.

There are no surprises whatsover, and it feels like the only demographic for this film are guys who like seeing cute teenage girls drugged and locked in trunks of cards. Sami Gayle's performance, while often overdone, feels like the only thing in this movie that isn't phoned in. Cage is all right, doing his action and all, but he doesn't do anything new or special. Even if you're part of the specific demographic, Stolen's a tough sell.

Also, I'm going to tweak this list. Primal is ranked too high. Left Behind and Knowing are both ranked too low. Even the flawed logic in The Family Man has a small impact on its general enjoyability.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Pig
6. Birdy
7. Wild at Heart
8. Joe
9. National Treasure
10. Guarding Tess
11. Snake Eyes
12. Dog Eat Dog
13. Color Out of Space
14. Mom and Dad
15. World Trade Center
16. Peggy Sue Got Married
17. Zandalee
18. Prisoners of the Ghostland
19. City of Angels
20. Willy's Wonderland
21. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
22. Bangkok Dangerous
23. Drive Angry
24. Army of One
25. Lord of War
26. Gone in 60 Seconds
27. Matchstick Men
28. Vampire's Kiss
29. Con Air
30. Face/Off
31. Trapped in Paradise
32. The Boy in Blue
33. Honeymoon in Vegas
34. Deadfall
35. Amos and Andrew
36. Moonstruck
37. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
38. Knowing
39. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
40. Bringing Out the Dead
41. The Family Man

42. Stolen

43. It Could Happen to You
44. 8mm
45. The Frozen Ground
46. Left Behind
47. Primal
48. Grand Isle
49. Looking Glass
50. Arsenal
51. Between Worlds
52. Ghost Rider
53. Trespass
54. The Humanity Bureau
55. Next
56. The Weather Man
57. 211
58. Fire Birds
59. The Croods

Deadfall (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Nick Cage doesn't star in Deadfall. This noir crime film strikes me as sort of a small time affair for Cage, who at the time, was only making huge hits. The opening credits mention Charlie Sheen and Talia Shire as stars, but the two of them each appear in only one scene, with about ten lines apiece. Cage actually plays Eddie King, the criminal and opulent wacko, later reprised in 2017's Arsenal.

Directed by Cage's brother Chris Coppola, Deadfall was a complete flop, subject to a 0% score on Rotten Tomatoes. But is it that bad? I don't think so. It's the story of Joe, the son of a big time con man who gets tricked into shooting his own father. But the father has a twin brother, Uncle Lou, whom Joe is bequested to recover a "cake" from.

And Uncle Lou is also a big time con man, easily taking to and finding work for his dear nephew, which leads to several dark turns. The story is meant to set you up for a "mind blow", but it's all fairly predictable and generic for the noir crime thing. But the movie is fairly entertaining and fun to watch. It doesn't over reach, and generally succeeds at what it attempts. I think the directing of Chris Coppola was altogether decent, and it's a shame none of his movies have been hits. Deadfall was a movie of its time, rife with seedy violence, and followed closely by Pulp Fiction. If this is your thing, you should check it out. Otherwise, it's worth seeing just for Cage's insane performance, which might even give Jim Carey a run for his money.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Pig
6. Birdy
7. Wild at Heart
8. Joe
9. National Treasure
10. Guarding Tess
11. Snake Eyes
12. Dog Eat Dog
13. Color Out of Space
14. Mom and Dad
15. World Trade Center
16. Peggy Sue Got Married
17. Zandalee
18. Prisoners of the Ghostland
19. City of Angels
20. Willy's Wonderland
21. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
22. Bangkok Dangerous
23. Drive Angry
24. Army of One
25. Lord of War
26. Gone in 60 Seconds
27. Matchstick Men
28. Vampire's Kiss
29. Con Air
30. Face/Off
31. Trapped in Paradise
32. The Boy in Blue
33. Honeymoon in Vegas

34. Deadfall

35. Amos and Andrew
36. Moonstruck
37. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
38. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
39. Primal
40. Bringing Out the Dead
41. The Family Man
42. Knowing
43. The Frozen Ground
44. It Could Happen to You
45. 8mm
46. Grand Isle
47. Looking Glass
48. Arsenal
49. Between Worlds
50. Left Behind
51. Ghost Rider
52. Trespass
53. The Humanity Bureau
54. Next
55. The Weather Man
56. 211
57. Fire Birds
58. The Croods

Primal (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Released in 2019, this movie spent over twenty years in production hell before getting made, and it shows. This is a 90s movie all the way, with a slight upgrade to its CGI effects, which are still bad. Cage plays Frank Walsh, an exotic big-game hunter in the jungles of Brazil. As you might expect, he's not a great dude, greedy and arrogant. But that's fine. He's the protagonist of the film. You can tell because he's in the first scene, and played by the only famous person in the cast. Either way, Cage plays the hero in almost all of his movies.

After Walsh catches a legendary white jaguar, he takes a boat out of the jungle, which as a last minute surprise, is also transporting a criminally insane terrorist assassin named Richard Loffler. So we have Loffler plus jungle animals, plus the white jaguar who we don't need to worry about anymore, even though she's a legendary man eater. Still the US Marshals on board are easily outmatched. So the premise is pretty good, like Con Air but darker and more exciting.

And in this type of situation, you might expect a lot of people to die, like in most thrillers. But that doesn't happen. So the thriller part doesn't work. What about the action? The action is pretty bad all around, except for one scene with Cage, who severely out-performs everyone else in the cast, which by the way, includes only one woman.

With the bechdel test, I am especially forgiving of Nick Cage films, because if he's going to be in a movie, it might as well be mostly about him. But in Primal, any of the characters could have been female. None of them had to be male, except for the hottie who doesn't like Walsh, because he's not a good man. This hottie is Famke Janssen, playing Dr. Ellen Taylor. Some military doctor, it's her job to ensure the health and safety of their prisoner on board. And she doesn't look like a military doctor, always withe her hair in this sultry side braid.

So was there anything good about this movie? The thrill is there if you're really desperate for it. And if you really love 90s action movies, and wish they were still being made, this is the film for you. Otherwise, you should continue not caring about it.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Pig
6. Birdy
7. Wild at Heart
8. Joe
9. National Treasure
10. Guarding Tess
11. Snake Eyes
12. Dog Eat Dog
13. Color Out of Space
14. Mom and Dad
15. World Trade Center
16. Peggy Sue Got Married
17. Zandalee
18. Prisoners of the Ghostland
19. City of Angels
20. Willy's Wonderland
21. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
22. Bangkok Dangerous
23. Drive Angry
24. Army of One
25. Lord of War
26. Gone in 60 Seconds
27. Matchstick Men
28. Vampire's Kiss
29. Con Air
30. Face/Off
31. Trapped in Paradise
32. The Boy in Blue
33. Honeymoon in Vegas
34. Amos and Andrew
35. Moonstruck
36. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
37. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans

38. Primal

39. Bringing Out the Dead
40. The Family Man
41. Knowing
42. The Frozen Ground
43. It Could Happen to You
44. 8mm
45. Grand Isle
46. Looking Glass
47. Arsenal
48. Between Worlds
49. Left Behind
50. Ghost Rider
51. Trespass
52. The Humanity Bureau
53. Next
54. The Weather Man
55. 211
56. Fire Birds
57. The Croods

Fire Birds (feat. Nicolas Cage)

This is a weird movie you've probably never heard of. Released in 1990, under Disney's Touchstone pictures, Fire Birds tells the story of an apache pilot who wants nothing more than to kill foreigners for doing things that are illegal in our great country, all in the interest of President Bush's War on Drugs.

Nicolas Cage plays Pilot Jake Preston, doing everything he can to make it look cool and fun to kill people. The herosim in this interest is repeatedly affirmed by Preston's instructor, played by Tommy Lee Jones. I don't think he's a great actor or anything, but he's the only one in this film who gives more than the worst performance of his career. And I don't blame the actors, really. Most of the dialogue exists to demonstrate the greatness of Cage's character. The helicopter stunt scenes are a rare, fun treat, but the rest of this movie sucks. And it doesn't just suck. It sucks in bad taste.

And I don't even care that Fire Birds repeatedly tries to rip off Top Gun. What bothers me more is this is the only Nick Cage film to prominently feature a song by Phil Collins. How did that happen? Did Phil Collins really endorse the War on Drugs? Unbelievable.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Pig
6. Birdy
7. Wild at Heart
8. Joe
9. National Treasure
10. Guarding Tess
11. Snake Eyes
12. Dog Eat Dog
13. Color Out of Space
14. Mom and Dad
15. World Trade Center
16. Peggy Sue Got Married
17. Zandalee
18. Prisoners of the Ghostland
19. City of Angels
20. Willy's Wonderland
21. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
22. Bangkok Dangerous
23. Drive Angry
24. Army of One
25. Lord of War
26. Gone in 60 Seconds
27. Matchstick Men
28. Vampire's Kiss
29. Con Air
30. Face/Off
31. Trapped in Paradise
32. The Boy in Blue
33. Honeymoon in Vegas
34. Amos and Andrew
35. Moonstruck
36. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
37. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
38. Bringing Out the Dead
39. The Family Man
40. Knowing
41. The Frozen Ground
42. It Could Happen to You
43. 8mm
44. Grand Isle
45. Looking Glass
46. Arsenal
47. Between Worlds
48. Left Behind
49. Ghost Rider
50. Trespass
51. The Humanity Bureau
52. Next
53. The Weather Man
54. 211

55. Fire Birds

56. The Croods

Trapped in Paradise (feat. Nicolas Cage)

I find it hard to judge a 90s comedy, without comparing it only to the other 90s comedies on my list. With Trapped in Paradise, there were a lot of good ideas, but none of them really succeeded. It's a crime, family, christmas comedy with a love story.

Cage played Bill Firpo, a miserable, but good guy who's a waits tables at a fancy joint in New York. His brothers are not such good guys. Dave, played by Jon Lovitz, is the schemer. Dana Carvey plays Alvin, the cleptomaniac. I'd consider these two guys more of comedians than actors. Dana Carvey does a good Garth, but paired with Cage's habitually over-the-top schtick, there's no hope for immersion in this charming little movie.

I'll try not to spoil too much here. Dave tricks Bill into assisting the two criminal brothers on a bank robbery in a little town called Paradise Pennsylvania. All their prison buds were saving this job for one of the big guys back in the clink, but Dave and Alvin planned on pinning it on their brother. But the kindness of the residence of Paradise makes a big difference to these bad apples. And as it turns out, even the good brother had room for improvement.

Trapped in Paradise is okay for a 90s comedy. For a Christmas movie, it's good. I'll be watching it every year, for sure. That being the case, I probably won't be putting it on except to honor the holiday season.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Pig
6. Birdy
7. Wild at Heart
8. Joe
9. National Treasure
10. Guarding Tess
11. Snake Eyes
12. Dog Eat Dog
13. Color Out of Space
14. Mom and Dad
15. World Trade Center
16. Peggy Sue Got Married
17. Zandalee
18. Prisoners of the Ghostland
19. City of Angels
20. Willy's Wonderland
21. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
22. Bangkok Dangerous
23. Drive Angry
24. Army of One
25. Lord of War
26. Gone in 60 Seconds
27. Matchstick Men
28. Vampire's Kiss
29. Con Air
30. Face/Off

31. Trapped in Paradise

32. The Boy in Blue
33. Honeymoon in Vegas
34. Amos and Andrew
35. Moonstruck
36. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
37. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
38. Bringing Out the Dead
39. The Family Man
40. Knowing
41. The Frozen Ground
42. It Could Happen to You
43. 8mm
44. Grand Isle
45. Looking Glass
46. Arsenal
47. Between Worlds
48. Left Behind
49. Ghost Rider
50. Trespass
51. The Humanity Bureau
52. Next
53. The Weather Man
54. 211
55. The Croods