Willy's Wonderland (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Made by Saturn Films during the big pandemic, we got a weird, scary movie called Willy's Wonderland. I don't think the film was meant to actually scare anyone. It's more of a fun slasher, and weird for the sake of weirdness. Cage plays the Janitor, a character with no lines, who rigidly adheres to an hourly dose of a drink called Punch Pop.

Due to a spike trap on the road, Janitor gets stranded in a nowhere town, and the only way to get his car fixed is to trade labor, by cleaning Willy's Wonderland, a closed-down party place, like a Chuck E. Cheese, only the animatronic animals kill people.

The animatronics don't look real, but that's fine. Willy's Wonderland isn't supposed to reflect our own realities in any capacity. By the time you hear the (awesome) titular theme song, you should realize this movie is just fun, violent fun. No substance? No problem. Check it out.

  1. Raising Arizona
  2. Leaving Las Vegas
  3. Red Rock West
  4. Adaptation
  5. Pig
  6. Birdy
  7. Wild at Heart
  8. Joe
  9. National Treasure
  10. Guarding Tess
  11. Snake Eyes
  12. Dog Eat Dog
  13. Color Out of Space
  14. Mom and Dad
  15. World Trade Center
  16. Peggy Sue Got Married
  17. Zandalee
  18. Prisoners of the Ghostland
  19. City of Angels
  20. Willy's Wonderland

  21. Bangkok Dangerous
  22. Drive Angry
  23. Army of One
  24. Lord of War
  25. Gone in 60 Seconds
  26. Matchstick Men
  27. Vampire's Kiss
  28. Con Air
  29. Face/Off
  30. The Boy in Blue
  31. Honeymoon in Vegas
  32. Amos and Andrew
  33. Moonstruck
  34. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
  35. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
  36. Bringing Out the Dead
  37. The Family Man
  38. Knowing
  39. The Frozen Ground
  40. It Could Happen to You
  41. 8mm
  42. Looking Glass
  43. Arsenal
  44. Between Worlds
  45. Left Behind
  46. Ghost Rider
  47. The Humanity Bureau
  48. Next
  49. The Weather Man
  50. 211
  51. The Croods

Fenrir Lunaris's Vikings of Midgard

This is the pack-in game for the Official Hamster Republic RPG Construction Engine, originally developed for DOS, by James Paige. This is the engine I use for my little game design projects. Originally designed for people to easily make games similar to Final Fantasy IV, OHRRPGCE has been consistently development and can now be used (with a good deal of programming), to construct any kind of 2-D game.

Of course for amateur game designers, new engine options are popping up all the time. OHRRPGCE isn't even on the radar for noobs. But I know what I know, and there's still a lot I want to do with OHR. And the smallness of its community has its benefits.

But anyway! Vikings of Midgard showcases a near perfect execution all of the basic things you can do with OHRRPGCE, featuring developers as characters, among characters from the community's other games. Altogether, it's a wonderfully inspiring introduction to the engine and its community.

More about the game. Starting in Valhalla, Odin sends you on a quest to rescue the missing Freya. Meta intended, the game sends you on a quest for four stones to complete the Brising Necklace, which will open the gate to Helheim, where the *Dark One* has kept Freya kidnapped. This quest sends you to places of Norse mythology like Alfheim, Nifelheim, and Thule. Like most RPGs, you first go to the forest zone, then the fire zone, then the ice zone. But at least I wasn't forced to use the black mage. It's not that I hate black mages, I just think that for how many random battles you often have to fight in JRPGs, I'd rather not spend half those battles rifling through menus and picking the right elemental attack.

So the Gameplay here is pretty well-balanced. You can turn off random encounters to avoid constantly running into low-powered/low-reward enemies, but your invaluable thief character can usually steal something worthy. Aside from a thief, you get a variety of party members, like a black mage, white page, samurai, berzerker, valkyrie, fighter, bard, and ranger. This gives you options regarding how much you want to grind verses how much you want to strategize.

Some mini bosses will switch around your party, so the character they pertain to gets used, which can be a bit annoying if you really rely on your white mage. But these optional mini bosses are well worth fighting, because they usually reward you with a new skill. New mini bosses often appear in areas you've already explored as your story progresses, making it feel less like you're running errands just to progress the story.

I've always thought the graphical presentation for the OHR's built-in battle system was a bit wonky, which is why most advanced users of the engine make their own battle system. Fenrir-Lunaris compensates for this with laboriously crafted, beautiful enemy sprites. It's this kind of love-labor that makes this game stand out from titles made for profit or brand-building. Still, not all graphics were created with the same passion. Many of the human portrait graphics are downright ugly compared to the furry characters.

That being said, I got twelve hours into the game, and could not figure out what to do. So I talked to the developer on Discord, often asking what to do next. Fenrir is a furry, and talks like a college professor. A real nice guy. I made a quick video of myself using debug tools to get to the next area of the game, revealing that I'd been playing an old, probably incomplete version. So Fenrir insisted I start over, after I'd already invested twelve hours.

So I did, and it was worth it. Vikings of Midgard was a fun game with a great, very complete story, and it was an experience I'll never forget.

Style: 3/5 - Substance: 5/5 - Music: 3/5 - Fun: 3/5

Saint Giuseppe's Heavenly Pizza of Moline, IL

For some time I've wanted to fully discover, for myself, the true meaning of quad-cities style pizza. By quad-cities, I mean the area where I was born, the area where Moline, Davenport, Bettendorf, and Rock Island come together. Founded in 1997, Saint Giuseppe's isn't the original quad-cities pizza chain, but it had good ratings. Per usual, I got a regular cheese pizza with a side of red sauce. The ratio for the pie was 2cr/2ce/3ch.
I'll rate their crust a 3 out of 5. It's crispy, puffy, and chewy, tasting and feeling more like homemade bread than pizza crust, which is more than I can say about the cardboard you often find in new, mysterious joints. Their sauce also gets a 3 out of 5. It's pretty spicy for a pizza sauce, which I heard is characteristic of quad-cities pizza. There were no discernable flavors beyond red pepper and tomato in this otherwise good, thick sauce.
For style, Giuseppe's gets a 4 of 5. I like when a pie is cut into strips. It makes it easier to dip. And despite the crust being bready and the sauce being spicy, this pizza doesn't really stand-out when you don't look at it closely. The joint itself looked like it was once a cozy family joint, left in a state of disarray for pandemic-style seating. Each way I turned my head, I felt like I was facing yet another light bulb. Nice-looking guitars were hung on the wall, going to waste as decorations.
They get a 4 out of 5 for quality. There was nothing wrong with my pizza, and nothing amazing. It was good. If it were cheaper and in my town, I'd get it when I want to mix things up. Overall, Saint Giuseppe's Heavenly Pizza gets a 70%.

The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron

This was more of a guidebook on how to become unblocked, as a "blocked" artist. So I was supposed to read a chapter a week, and do homework. It took me a while to get into the habit of following the directives, so it took me a while to get through the book. I never considered myself blocked, though I could always create more art. Sure. Mostly, I was looking for tips on gaining the confidence necessary to put more words on pages.

Cameron insists on invoking the great Creator, from whom our work flows. They are in charge of the quality of our work, and we are in charge of getting it done. If we accept that our creativity is a gift from God, any fault in our work can be directed to Him. And there are a lot of things like that in this book, much like a twelve step program.

And while I've made a few changes to my habits and my thinking about art, it's yet to be determined whether this book has had a profound, positive impact on my artistic path. That being said, I haven't done all of my homework, and I haven't gotten much better at nurturing my inner artist. Maybe, by the time I've finished all of the homework, I'll no longer feel so bitter about how some things have turned out for me, and I'll have more courage about the work I share.

But The Artist's Way did help me to find a sense of direction, better aligned with my values. And for anyone out there who is a blocked artist, and would like to get back into the habit of doing creative things, I do recommend this book. I think it would help a lot, at least to get the ball rolling.

Mother Bear's Pizza Campus of Bloomington, IN

Here's a local staple I've been trying to get around to. Out of three crust options: Deep, Pan, and Thin, we chose the Pan. It has a ratio of 4cr/3ce/4ch. A very decadent pie, it looks a lot like a classic Pizza Hut pan, but made with more love.
Their crust gets a 3 out of 5 for me. It's both soft and chewy, but somewhat dry for a pan pizza. I expected the bottom to be greasier, melting into a sauce/soaked goo. And there wasn't much flavor to it. Maybe the sauce has something to do with the dryness. It's a thick, hearty sauce, which I'll rank a 4 out of 5. It could use a little more zing, but it's sweet, floral, and totally delicious.
Not all will agree with me on this, but I give Mother Bears a 3 out of 5 for style. I know they let people write on the booths, and I know they serve cheese sauce with their otherwise disappointing braedsticks. I know their mascot has huge furry appeal, and their menu is somewhat expansive. Their pizza doesn't really stand out to me, and none of the bells and whistles do much for me. That's right, I don't care that they'll let me get tapenade as my pizza sauce.

For overall quality, I will give their pizza a 5 out of 5. I could tell it was made with love, by people who know what they're doing. And I appreciate a pizza-master who can take a Pizza Hut pie and think, "You know what? I'm gonna make it great." So Mother Bear's gets an overall score of 75%. Love it.

Prisoners of the Ghostland (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Set in Samurai Town, this film is a bizarre combination of western drama and kung fu fantasy. The plot is ridiculous by american standards, which makes it somewhat hard to grasp. Hero, our hero, played by Cage, is a prisoner who's sent on a quest to save the warlord's grandaughter who I think is cursed. Hero is sent on the quest in a suit set to explode in three days, and if he succeeds, he wins back his freedom.

But on this quest, Hero has to confront demons other than the demons of his past. Yes, it sounds bizarre, but doesn't it also sound exciting and fantastical? While there isn't much kung-fu fighting in this film, it gives us a visual feast of magical weirdness. From the team that brought us Mandy, Color Out of Space, and Mom and Dad, this movie is definitely one to catch.

  1. Raising Arizona
  2. Leaving Las Vegas
  3. Red Rock West
  4. Adaptation
  5. Pig
  6. Birdy
  7. Wild at Heart
  8. Joe
  9. National Treasure
  10. Guarding Tess
  11. Snake Eyes
  12. Dog Eat Dog
  13. Color Out of Space
  14. Mom and Dad
  15. World Trade Center
  16. Peggy Sue Got Married
  17. Zandalee
  18. Prisoners of the Ghostland

  19. City of Angels
  20. Bangkok Dangerous
  21. Drive Angry
  22. Army of One
  23. Lord of War
  24. Gone in 60 Seconds
  25. Matchstick Men
  26. Vampire's Kiss
  27. Con Air
  28. Face/Off
  29. The Boy in Blue
  30. Honeymoon in Vegas
  31. Amos and Andrew
  32. Moonstruck
  33. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
  34. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
  35. Bringing Out the Dead
  36. The Family Man
  37. Knowing
  38. The Frozen Ground
  39. It Could Happen to You
  40. 8mm
  41. Looking Glass
  42. Arsenal
  43. Between Worlds
  44. Left Behind
  45. Ghost Rider
  46. The Humanity Bureau
  47. Next
  48. The Weather Man
  49. 211
  50. The Croods

Cujo by Stephen King

I can see why a lot of people have read tons of Stephen King, and not much of anything else. With Cujo, I knew what to expect, and was left satisfied on every point. It's a terrifying story of a rabid Saint Bernard in the Maine countryside.

King is a master when it comes to using verbs to give character to every scene, using the perfect amount of detail to make it all seem real. And in this case, the realness makes it more scary.

Our heroes, a mom and her four year old boy, are in trouble, and with every scene change, I felt myself begging anybody from the supporting cast to get the idea, and go to the rescue. And this is what you come to expect from Stephen King. Cujo was a great time, worth doing again.

Snake Eyes (feat. Nicolas Cage)

It's hard to recollect the attitudes I'd been pre-emptively exposed to about this movie, aside from its average ratings. A very 90s movie, there was certainly some reaching with the story, in attempts to satisfy its intended demographic. Still, I think Snake Eyes was a great watch. In addition to Ryuichi Sakamoto's brilliant soundtrack, shot-for-shot, this movie is immersive, exciting, and packed with killer performances.

Set in an Atlantic City casino, Snake Eyes tells the story of a crooked detective named Rick Santoro (played by Cage). With a lot of money on a big fight, distracting Santoro while he was supposed to be protecting the secretary of defense, Charles Kirkland. But there was treachery within treachery surrounding the assassination of Kirkland.

The story unfolds after this inciting incident, in alternate timelines and a well-calculated narrative. With hopes of diminishing his gambling losses, Santoro puts the casino into lockdown for the investigation. As new evidence is uncovered, Santoro has to make some tough, dangerous decisions.

These decisions make way for a level of Character Arc, rare in Cage's many films. For those who haven't been keeping count, I still haven't seen over thirty of them. While Snake Eyes probably won't do it for everyone, I consider it great way to spend 98 minutes.

  1. Raising Arizona
  2. Leaving Las Vegas
  3. Red Rock West
  4. Adaptation
  5. Pig
  6. Birdy
  7. Wild at Heart
  8. Joe
  9. National Treasure
  10. Guarding Tess
  11. Snake Eyes

  12. Dog Eat Dog
  13. Color Out of Space
  14. Mom and Dad
  15. World Trade Center
  16. Peggy Sue Got Married
  17. Zandalee
  18. City of Angels
  19. Bangkok Dangerous
  20. Drive Angry
  21. Army of One
  22. Lord of War
  23. Gone in 60 Seconds
  24. Matchstick Men
  25. Vampire's Kiss
  26. Con Air
  27. Face/Off
  28. The Boy in Blue
  29. Honeymoon in Vegas
  30. Amos and Andrew
  31. Moonstruck
  32. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
  33. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
  34. Bringing Out the Dead
  35. The Family Man
  36. Knowing
  37. The Frozen Ground
  38. It Could Happen to You
  39. 8mm
  40. Looking Glass
  41. Arsenal
  42. Between Worlds
  43. Left Behind
  44. Ghost Rider
  45. The Humanity Bureau
  46. Next
  47. The Weather Man
  48. 211
  49. The Croods

A Load of Hooey by Bob Odenkirk

I'm not sure what I expected, going into this book. I wanted something funny, something to keep my spirits up. And I got that at least. I've always been a fan of Bob Odenkirk and Mr. Show. And that's the kind of stuff that fills this book, short scenes, taking everyday things that are a little weird, a little funny, and blowing them to bizarre proportions. It's a collection of scraps for when you need a dose of humor, and that's all you'll find in this little book.

Unnamed PJ Comic #2

Ubisoft's Child of Light

Since I've been spending a lot of time on game design, I figured I should be using some of that time to play and analyze some games, mainly RPGs, from my backlog. This one is from Ubisoft, a company which came into fruition with its hit game Rayman, which never did much for me despite being the most prominent title for the 3DO.

Child of Light is a side-scrolling, turn-based RPG in which you control a little red-haired princess named Aurora. The side-scrolling aspect is especially fun, because you can fly. It's the perfect game for those who like to explore beautiful worlds. And beautiful it is, this world called Lemuria, hand-painted with watercolors with papery texture to boot.

So there's a lot of style in this title, but not as a means to compensate for low quality gameplay. That's not to say the gameplay is especially profound. While the exploring is fun, and the world is filled with little puzzles and a ton of loot, most of the loot has little impact on your method of play. Healing items are good for boss fights, but most of them go unused. You have a firefly friend who can illuminate different areas of the map, allowing you to find more treasures.

There's no shopping in this game, and your only equipment comes in the form of gems called Oculi, which can be crafted and combined from their different varieties. After each level-up, your characters get to choose different upgrades, which is cool, but your characters are all going to have their general strengths and weaknesses, even with permanent stat-boosters. Characters also pool experience, so the fun exploration often gets halted so you can stop and choose upgrades for these characters you never use, but might need... maybe.

The characters themselves aren't very interesting, but I didn't look too deeply into it. Why not? Well, there's something about this game I really can't stand. The developers decided to make every single line of dialogue rhyme. And the rhyming is bad. Almost every sentence reads like it was spoken by Yoda, causing most of the text to come out in a jumble of terrible sentence structure. I figure on every block, there's a kid rapper who could have done a better job.

The battle system for this game is pretty good. It's much like Grandia, in the way that all fighters share a time bar. Each action takes a certain amount of time to execute, which gives you and your enemies space to interrupt each other. This is all swell, but a lot of enemies counter attack when you interrupt them, others counter when you use physical, magical, or elemental attacks. Each enemy has its own mode, which you need to keep in mind. This is fun, but there are no quick battles. They all require a certain level of focus, causing you to, after upgrading your characters, forget where you're going.

Looping back to the subject of elemental magic, I'm not really a fan of it, especially when you don't have all the elements at your disposal. Most RPG games have the tree levels, where everything's weak to fire, then the fire world, then the water world, and so forth, in an order you're never aware of. And this works fine (albeit uninventive), so long as you're not forced to use elemental magic, and don't have to gamble on which magic to learn.

The music in this game is all right, fitting, but there are only about four songs in it. But even that's fine, since it only took me twelve hours to finish this game. Despite it's flaws, I think Child of Light is a good game. It doesn't make you do boring things, like talk to every single person in town before getting to it. The gameplay is immersive, with the perfect amount of complexity. Some of the battles are also pretty hard, which scratches an itch. It would have been better if they'd included some impossible fights that, in spite of your perfect strategy, require you to come back later.

Child of Light's pretty good, but not really my kind of RPG. It's magical and whimsical, and more for the 90s born fairy tale fans instead of us who grew up worshipping Japanese games. I've watched Brandon Sanderson's lectures on Fantasy writing, and many of his concepts apply to all forms of media. Every story opens with a promise about what kind of experience the consumer is going to have. And if that promise isn't fulfilled, the readers (or players) will be unsatisfied. Despite its challenges, I think Child of Light is too short. It puts a lot of systems in play that are never used to their remote capacity. There are some touching moments to its story, but its resolution is flacid and crowded with one-note party members.

Style: 4/5 - Substance: 2/5 - Music: 3/5 - Fun: 4/5

Makin' It Great Again (Detroit-Style)

To be honest, the only official Detroit-Style Pizza I've had was from Jet's, and it was good. Hungry Howie's also has a deep dish pizza, which I would consider Detroit-Style. It's square and has thick crust, but what else makes it Detroit? Pizza Hut says the sauce goes on top, and out of respect for their authority on Pizza (since nobody out-pizzas them), I can go for it.

Sauce on top doesn't always work. The dough has to be soft, which Pizza Hut's is, lending a special decadence to this special pie. As you see, there's even a varience in the style of pepperoni, and there's something festive about a little pepperoni that curls up and turns into a cup of spicy, delicious grease. I did order this pie with a side of red sauce, and I'm somewhat concerned that Pizza Hut's once thick, delicious sauce is slowly going the way of SpaghettiO. I guess that's one more reason to get this delicious, Detroit Pizza while it's available. Thank you, Pizza Hut, for makin' it great again.

The Onion Girl by Charles De Lint

Based on De Lint's modern-mythical short stories of Newford, which surround the character of artist Jilly Coppercorn, we have this whole novel, one of a series. So I'd read a couple of the chapters before, both included in both of De Lint's short story collections I've gone over. Many of the characters in play were familiar, but I think there were too many. Most of them didn't contribute to the story, aside from lending Truth to the pre-standing mileau of Newford.

I got a strong feeling our writer didn't know what was going to happen in his novel, aside from knowing he had a few short stories to work from, and that his novel had to be novel-length. In The Onion Girl, Jilly has a bad accident and is partially paralyzed, and staying in the hospital. During this stay, she gets especially into visiting the dream worlds.

As a young girl, Jilly ran away from her troubled home, leaving her younger sister, Raylene, to feel forever, bitterly abandoned. As adults, Raylene and her friend Pinky seek revenge in both the dream world and the world as it is. Set in fairly modern times, we get the idea that De Lint prefers hippies and artists over most people. And that's all fine, but it doesn't need to be illustrated at every opportunity.

But the story itself is pretty heart-warming, and eventually surprising. And I realized some of those chapters, which I thought unnecessary, served as valuable coupons for an allegory beyond the old reaffirmation that the only way to beat Evil is with Love. With all that said, I still think The Onion Girl is a good book, but I was not prepared for how much patience it would require.

World Trade Center (feat. Nicolas Cage)

To 'celebrate' September 11th, it seemed only appropriate to fit this movie into my so-busy day. You probably know, the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center was one of the most tragic events in our country's history. This film tells mostly the story of two cops who get trapped in the rubble ofa collapsed tower after seeking quick shelter in an elevator shaft.

It's pretty scary stuff, as the film takes you between scenes of these two heroes bleeding to death, deep underground, followed by the meanwhiles of their terrified families. Then you see more heroes, some crazy, and some just doing their jobs, making the most of what little chance they had to save the many who were trapped beneath the fallen towers.

Most films based on true events tend to be dramatized or satired for entertainment value, and I understand. The situation here didn't need to be contrived. It was a terrifying, emotional experience for everyone involved. And I appreciate how the film didn't put a patriotic, militaristic slant on the whole thing. We all know terrorism is bad, and it was left at that.

Despite laying it on a bit thick with the "oh no, oh gosh" moments, I found World Trade Center to be a very immersive, emotional experience. Many of the fake New York accents were bad, but at least they tried (which is more than I can say for The Frozen Ground). And as is normally the case, Cage's performance was awesome.

  1. Raising Arizona
  2. Leaving Las Vegas
  3. Red Rock West
  4. Adaptation
  5. Pig
  6. Birdy
  7. Wild at Heart
  8. Joe
  9. National Treasure
  10. Guarding Tess
  11. Dog Eat Dog
  12. Color Out of Space
  13. Mom and Dad
  14. World Trade Center

  15. Peggy Sue Got Married
  16. Zandalee
  17. City of Angels
  18. Bangkok Dangerous
  19. Drive Angry
  20. Army of One
  21. Lord of War
  22. Gone in 60 Seconds
  23. Matchstick Men
  24. Vampire's Kiss
  25. Con Air
  26. Face/Off
  27. The Boy in Blue
  28. Honeymoon in Vegas
  29. Amos and Andrew
  30. Moonstruck
  31. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
  32. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
  33. Bringing Out the Dead
  34. The Family Man
  35. Knowing
  36. The Frozen Ground
  37. It Could Happen to You
  38. 8mm
  39. Looking Glass
  40. Arsenal
  41. Between Worlds
  42. Left Behind
  43. Ghost Rider
  44. The Humanity Bureau
  45. Next
  46. The Weather Man
  47. 211
  48. The Croods