Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

In 2001, this was likely the hippest read for americans over 26. Have you heard the story of Amy Sedaris wearing a fat suit to visit the overbearing, fat-shaming dad? It's in this book, which was a fun read. David knew he was gay as far back as elementary school, where he underwent speech therapy to work on his lisp. Later in life, he got into crystal meth and performance art. After he got his act together, he lived in chicago, nyc, and then france. He smokes cigarettes, and hates when people eat and talk during movies, and has a good sense of humor. His stories aren't especially gripping, but they are more entertaining than most things you would otherwise read. I you find yourself wanting to read books, but failing, I highly recommend this one.

How Not to Write a Novel by Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman

As you might know, I've been working on my third novel. It's been a fun time, but I do want it to be good. The greatest thing that slows my work is the trepidation with which I approach each session, knowing my work is going to suck. And I've been trying to build self-confidence in every way I can fine. How Not to Write a Novel has helped to some extent. I'd already deduced most of its advice by watching lectures, and reading other books on writing. Still, I really appreciate it's quick, strong, good advice. I highly recommend it to anyone in my shoes.

Zandalee (feat. Nicolas Cage)

In New Orleans, Thierry and Zandalee are having relationship problems, which can happen to even the sexiest of us. Thierry's dad died, and he decides to quit being a poet/professor in order to take over his dad's business. It's a sad time for Thierry, but with his new position, he's about to help Johnny get a job. Johnny, played by Cage, hasn't lost his passion. In fact, you might consider his singular verocity to be problematic as he forces himself between Thierry and Zandalee. You might wonder, 'what's the worst that could happen?', and find yourself surprised at how dark this film really gets. Cage also blesses us with a supreme freak-out, one of his best.

But was this a great film? I think it was pretty good. Instead of setting out to make a 'great' blockbuster, it seems like the creators went ahead and made exactly the kind of self-indulgent film they wanted. And it turned out pretty good, not perfect but pretty good. I enjoyed it.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Birdy
6. Wild at Heart
7. Dog Eat Dog
8. Color Out of Space
9. Mom and Dad
10. Peggy Sue Got Married
11. Zandalee
12. City of Angels
13. Bangkok Dangerous
14. Drive Angry
15. Lord of War
16. Gone in 60 Seconds
17. Matchstick Men
18. Vampire's Kiss
19. Con Air
20. Face/Off
21. Honeymoon in Vegas
22. Amos and Andrew
23. Moonstruck
24. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
25. Bringing Out the Dead
26. The Family Man
27. It Could Happen to You
28. 8mm
29. Ghost Rider
30. The Humanity Bureau
31. Next
32. The Weather Man
33. 211
34. The Croods

Things That Will Pass for Pizza

There's something about being a kid that gives every adult license to talk about you as if you're not even there, at church, family get-togethers, school, everywhere. So I got a reputation for being a picky eater, rightfully earned. I was averse to the seasoned meat in tacos (it tends to smell like an arm pit). Also, I wasn't into pizza with pepperoni, or a sauce that likely will taste like spaghetti-os. So I never ate school cafeteria pizza, but I was always curious.

At my household, we like to go down to Odon Indiana, for their meat locker. In the freezer, they had a bag of these pizza-ish squares, and I had to try it. The dough tastes like a flour and water pancake, like I used to make when I was first living on my own and didn't know how to cook. The sauce is a little better than Spaghetti-os, but not better than Chef Boyardee. Neither sauce is as good as that in the Great Value brand spaghetti rings.

I love the little nerd-like, nugget-style sausage bits, but the ones on this pizza are not very good. They don't taste like much of anything, so it's more like eating rubber than sausage. Justine informed me this pizza isn't as good as that in school cafeterias. So maybe I missed out, but I didn't want to give into enjoying a cheap bastard version of pizza, not as a kid. I knew that if I pretended to like school pizza, then I'd have to eat it all the time, and eat less of the things I actually enjoyed. No thanks. I needed every freedom I could get.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

I think Ursula LeGuin recommended this classic in her Steering the Craft book on writing narratives. I wonder if people who take British Literature have to read Jane Eyre. Maybe I should find out. I think it was a good read, so far as I could tell. You might call her prose Aristocratic, and I think it was all somewhat goth. Perhaps the greatest aspect of it was in Brontë's incredible vocabulary.

Jane, modeled after her writer, went to a very strict school for girls, and came out very religious and disciplined, probably a better person for it all. Then comes the love story, which is fine as far as love stories go. It's hard to approve of Jane's choice of man, since her story takes place in a time when most men were probably worse for their disposition. But he was an extremely eloquent guy, nearly as verbose as Frankenstein's monster.

A World of Biscuits

I like that it is a world of biscuits, and not a biscuit shop, and within one town, there are multiple worlds. It makes me feel better, living in my own world, a world with biscuits but not of biscuits. If you haven't ever been to a Tudor's, I would highly recommend it. With mastery, they serve the most appalacian of foods, like baked beans, corn bread, fried chicken, and biscuits and gravy. Aside from the stares I received wandering the town of Grayson Kentucky, I couldn't help but affect a southern accent while ordering my biscuits and taters. If you need an opinion on the food, Bob Evan's has better gravy, but Tudor's biscuits are in a world of their own.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

My older sister had to read this over the summer, before her first semester of college. I went to the same school, but don't remember being assigned anything. They probably just forgot to tell me. Shelley's Frankenstein isn't the monster mashing romp I had expected it to be, though I did see the movie, so the book didn't throw me for a total loop.

The story mostly focuses on Victor, the man named Frankenstein. He hates his creation, because it is ugly, so ugly it is rejected by all society. If not for his appearances, you'd think the monster would be able to easily integrate himself into society. He's remarkably loquacious for a monster, with deep opinions about the popular books of his day, and is a master of watercraft. I won't spoil you with details over which blank characters get mashed in what order. You will probably forget, anyway.

Moonstruck (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Cher is pretty all right. It's hard not to like her. Though I think there must have been some favoritism going on, like the Academy thought they owed Cher a favor, because I don't know how this film won three Oscars. I don't think cheesey romance films are bad, but none of the characters in this film behave like real people tend to sometimes do. Characters in Moonstruck get engaged, fall in love at first sight, and change the trajectory of their lives based on momentary passions. Is that how all Italian Americans are? Are they all insane?

On insanity, Cage's character Ronny is an actual psycho, smashing things with his "fake-wooden hand", threatening to kill himself, and perpetually blaming his brother for an accident that was his own fault. Maybe that's just how all Italian-American bakers are, only wearing tank tops, never full shirts unless they're going to the Opera. They call this film a romantic comedy, but the comedy aspect is playing on a wheelchair of Italian stereotypes. Maybe if I considered myself more cultured, I'd feel obligated to think it's funny. Like, maybe the Academy thought it was funny because they are laughing at themselves, and they are in the know. Maybe it is considered a comedy in the traditional sense, leaving you wondering what the plot is before revealing it in the end.

What about the romance? Maybe it is the absence of rational motivation that makes this film romantic, because love is not rational. Love can make you deny the factual "bad luck" that might lead you to get engaged to a guy you have no reason to like, the way Cher's character (Loretta) did. Perhaps love is just it's own force, at odds with the world, yet moving the world at its own whim. So maybe my unwillingness to accept this principle is the reason why I didn't think this movie was amazing.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Birdy
6. Wild at Heart
7. Dog Eat Dog
8. Color Out of Space
9. Mom and Dad
10. Peggy Sue Got Married
11. City of Angels
12. Bangkok Dangerous
13. Drive Angry
14. Lord of War
15. Gone in 60 Seconds
16. Matchstick Men
17. Vampire's Kiss
18. Con Air
19. Face/Off
20. Honeymoon in Vegas
21. Amos and Andrew
22. Moonstruck
23. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
24. Bringing Out the Dead
25. The Family Man
26. It Could Happen to You
27. 8mm
28. Ghost Rider
29. The Humanity Bureau
30. Next
31. The Weather Man
32. 211
33. The Croods