511 Main Fountain & Pizzeria of Ashton Idaho

From the map, I wasn't especially interested in trying Ashton's only pizza joint. In this situation, the only pizza in town will be crafted to be "pretty much" pizza, thus good enough. The town was so cute, and we were so hungry, so we stopped.

The shop is an old fashioned ice cream parlor whose main food is pizza, with options of soup, salad, sandwiches, and a "chilango wrap". They had a whole menu of sundaes and things with ice cream, soda, and huckleberries. After downing my first diet pepsi of the bottomless type, our pizza had a ratio of 3cr/2ce/3ch.

I give their crust a 4 out of 5. It's somewhat bready, heavenly soft with the flavor of good pizza dough. While I loved the presence of goo in the center of pizza, I felt like it could have been cooked at a higher temperature as it was lacking in chew. Maybe it could also have used a longer knead. Still, it's the kind of dough Papa John's would give us if their pizza was made with something related to love.

Their sauce gets a 5 out of 5. It might be a little tomato pasty for some, but I thought it was perfect, thick with plenty of tomato flavor. The kind of sauce you get some mileage from.

For style, I give a 4 out of 5. The shop was cute and cozy without trying to make a gimmick of it. I might have tried one of their desserts if I hadn't stuffed myself with delicious pizza. Their appetizers didn't interest me, since they were mostly more basic forms of pizza, like garlic twists and bread sticks They didn't even have chicken, which might be the reason they didn't get the full 5. Their other menu items didn't appeal more than pizza, though one of their pies comes with a special cranberry sauce pizza sauce, which is an intriguing heresy.

For quality, I give this pizza a 5 out of 5, especially since I was critical of its dough and cooking temperature. There was no brown on top, but look at the stretch on that cheese. This pizza was beautiful and absolutely delicious. So Main 511 Pizza gets a final score of 90%. Good good stuff. I'm glad to have stopped, as it truly brightened my day.

Thief, Acolyte, Consort by James Paige

I've been somewhat torn about reviewing this novel, written by someone I very much look up to in the world of computer game design. We're not exactly friends, but we've had a few interactions with much kindness and generosity from his end.

This book is a fantasy romance, set in a fantasy world. It should be right up my alley, but I would have prefered more juice. A traveling thief, protagonist Cat ends up in a new city with a curse on it that makes fire impossible in certain areas. Every character is from a rich variety of size and race: lizards, golems, people with horns, etc.

Each year there's a new king, and that king gets sacrificed so their soul can serve the magic of the city. Cat falls in love with a professor from the school of magic, who becomes the new king. Sorry if that's a spoiler, but it happens within the first 20 pages of the book. Both characters are female, so it's a queer romance. I feel like the genders of most characters were decided by the roll of a dice. The narrator has limited knowledge, typically leaning on Cat's perspective who can somehow discern every character's chosen pronouns (she, he, or they) without having to ask.

Nobody bats an eye at the fact that Cat's in a gay love affair. And perhaps that's how it might be in an ideal, fantasy world. But I think if gender is a social, then perhaps gender identity would have some kind of social impact. Thus, I found most of the potential 'juice' of this novel wasted.

I thought the writing and story-telling were heads above your typical first novel, self-published. The narrative style reminded me of Lloyd Alexander in a good way. If this is your cup of tea, you should check it out.

The Rock (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Released in 1996, The Rock is one of those covert military op films, for people who like that kind of thing. For its time, it's pretty edgy, giving a little extra juice to those who like Tom Clancy things. I've heard the quote "All is fair in love and war", which we know now to be false. In fact with war, nothing is fair, which gives us a certain amount of sympathy for our antagonist, General Francis Hummel (played by Ed Harris). Hummel is a hero of the Vietnam war. Seeking reparations for himself and his comrades, he seizes Alcatraz (The Rock) with a number of hostages and bio-chemical weapons pointed at San Francisco, in a hostage situation with our government.

Of course our 'Don't Tread On Me' country can't let Hummel get away with this, so it forms a team of navy seals while coercing a chemist in the employ of the FBI named Stanley Goodspeed (played by Nicolas Cage) into taking part in the mission, as they need him to dismantle the weapons. But to break into Alcatraz, they need to employ the only man who has ever successfully escaped from the prision, John Mason (played by Sean Connery).

So Cage gets to play an arrogant, but noble chemist in all of his brilliant 90s Nick Cage fashion while Sean Connery gets to display his talents for always somehow playing a total badass. The badass and the noble chemist make good... chemistry for this film, that is no doubt. While I would rate this film highly among its peers, I'm just not really into these violent tales of military heroism. The Rock hasn't very well stood the test of time, regarding predictability, calls for character sympathy, and its eye-rolling attempts at humor. I guess the writers thought including a very gay hairdresser would fill the theater with ROFLing.

The story itself is well presented, giving the audience a few moments to guess what's going on. And I like how the antagonist himself has a character arc, which is super rare for a Cage film. Speaking of Cage films, the action in The Rock does not make the cut. Most of it is delegated to bullet storms and a singular car chase. While there were a few, forgiveable of stretches in plausibility you'd expect from any action thriller, it's far more immersive than the likes of Face/Off. But it dragged on for too long, with little we didn't see coming.

1. Raising Arizona
2. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
3. Leaving Las Vegas
4. Red Rock West
5. Adaptation
6. Pig
7. Birdy
8. Wild at Heart
9. Joe
10. National Treasure
11. Guarding Tess
12. Snake Eyes
13. Mandy
14. Dog Eat Dog
15. Color Out of Space
16. Mom and Dad
17. World Trade Center
18. Peggy Sue Got Married

19. The Rock

20. Zandalee
21. Prisoners of the Ghostland
22. City of Angels
23. Willy's Wonderland
24. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
25. Bangkok Dangerous
26. Drive Angry
27. Army of One
28. Lord of War
29. Gone in 60 Seconds
30. Matchstick Men
31. Vampire's Kiss
32. Con Air
33. Face/Off
34. Trapped in Paradise
35. The Boy in Blue
36. Honeymoon in Vegas
37. Deadfall
38. Amos and Andrew
39. Moonstruck
40. Tokarev
41. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
42. Knowing
43. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
44. Bringing Out the Dead
45. The Family Man
46. Stolen
47. It Could Happen to You
48. The Wicker Man
49. 8mm
50. The Frozen Ground
51. Left Behind
52. A Score to Settle
53. Pay the Ghost
54. Primal
55. Dying of the Light
56. Grand Isle
57. Looking Glass
58. Arsenal
59. Between Worlds
60. Ghost Rider
61. Trespass
62. The Humanity Bureau
63. Next
64. The Weather Man
65. 211
66. Fire Birds
67. The Croods

A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs

It's been a while since I've posted a book report, and it's not because I haven't been reading. This last spring I kind of let computer game design take over my life. But over the summer, I expect to spend less time at my computer.

So I read A Princess of Mars back in March. It's one of the first popular space adventure stories, told by Edgar Rice Burroughs, the writer of Tarzan stories. Despite the pulp-magazine nature of this work, Burroughs' language is very formal in contrast to many of his hard-boiled peers.

This novel tells the story of John Carter, a Confederate hero of the civil war who ended up with nothing. On a desert quest for gold, he found himself trapped in a cave by american indians who were mysteriously decimated before John's spirit escaped to the planet Mars.

You may have guessed, the princess of Mars is his love interest. Her species are humanoid, but red, and lay eggs. And I like this kind of romantic story between two 'people' of very different culture and physiology. Originally published in 1912, this piece certainly fails the Bechdel Test. The other species of aliens on mars are war-hungry bugs who love to kill each other and everything else.

So John takes it upon himself to impress the princess and become the greatest hero the planet has ever known. There are some touching scenes in this book, but I would only reccomend it to those with a yearning for this kind of niche. After all, the trappings of a space adventure have expanded a great deal in the last 110 years. But it's nice to see where (much of) it all started.

Quality Lives Here

Since my blood is mostly dutch, and my last name is Verkruyse, I'm inclined to try anything that claims itself as Dutch. What do potato chips, spiciness, cheddar, and sour cream have to do with that? I have no idea, but it's been a while since I've reviewed a new chip flavor.

Until this morning in Wall, South Dakota, I'd never seen a cheddar sour cream chip that came in a standard wave instead of a ruffle or plain cut. While I love cheddar and sour cream ruffles, especially on a hot dog, I'd say these take a small step forward. They aren't remarkably spicy, but enhance the satisfaction of an old formula.

If you're willing to spend $2.19 (inflation, right?), I would certainly recommend this chip. However, I wouldn't expect a paradigm shifting experience. Old Dutch Spicy Cheddar and Sour Cream Flavored Potato Chips are exactly what you'd expect. I'll be sure to let you know if I'm blown away by their tortilla chips.

Rosati's Pizza of Findlay Illinois

There's a gas station on the road to lake Shelbyille that sells live bait and every kind of liquor, and houses a pizza joint. Rosati's offers a full dine-in experience as well as snacks by the gas station's cash register. While I dont go out of my way to try gas station pizzas, and I didn't try anthing from the actual restaurant, I felt this slice was worth noting. Rosati's offers authentic Chicago pizza, and I'm not sure if they have deep dish on their menu. But I know deep dish isn't the only thing going on in Cook County.

Rosati's cheese slice has a ratio of 3cr3ce3ch. Their crust gets a 3 out of 5. It's a little bit over kneaded, under proofed, and under cooked. But it wasn't cumbersome. In fact, it was quite enjoyable, with a better flavor than Papa John's even though the texture wasn't all there.

Their sauce gets a 5 out of 5. It's rich and somewhat chunky, tasting much like what you'd get from Gino's East or Giordano's. I could easily eat it like soup. For Style, I guess I could give Rosati's gas station pizza a 5 out of 5. At $3 a slice, I was very pleased at what was one of the best gas sation slices I've ever had. It's not Chicago Deep Dish, but the taste is there and its gas station seems like a great place to stop before or after any kind of party.

For overall quality, I'll still give Rosati's a 3 out of 5. It's still a gas station pizza and if they don't put the time into properly proofing and cooking their pre-prepared slices, I don't expect they'd do much better when you get a frresh pie to order. With a final score of 80%, I'd hope to stop again next time I'm going through BF Illinois on the direct route to Springfield from Bloomington Indiana.

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (feat. Nicolas Cage)

You've probably heard of this movie, the one in which Nicolas Cage plays himself. What a gimmick! But the meta quality of this film provides a depth of context that wouldn't otherwise be possible. Cage could play a great and famous actor, but there's only one Nicolas Cage, and the fact that characters in the film an reference his work tells much about who they are.

So in the film, Cage is having trouble maintaining his self image, relations with his family, and his finances. In fact, he's so into acting it's hard for him to keep in touch with everything else. When he doesn't get a role he was going for, he decides to perhaps retire, and to settle his debts, takes a gig for a million dollars just to attend a wealthy fan's birthday party.

But he doesn't expect this wealthy fan to become his new best friend, or for the FBI to rangle into a dangerous task of finding a woman this new friend (Javi) is said to have kidnapped in order to ransom favor for his criminal enterprise. Furthermore, I won't spoil the rest.

In this gripping film, you never entierely know what's going on, but the relationships are touching and the action sequences are hilarious. Javi can't help himself but pretend he's in a movie with Nick at every chance he gets, and the directing follows every cue without flaw. This film ranks up there with The In Laws as a perfect buddy action comedy, and it is all the hype. Don't snooze on it.

1. Raising Arizona

2. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

3. Leaving Las Vegas
4. Red Rock West
5. Adaptation
6. Pig
7. Birdy
8. Wild at Heart
9. Joe
10. National Treasure
11. Guarding Tess
12. Snake Eyes
13. Mandy
14. Dog Eat Dog
15. Color Out of Space
16. Mom and Dad
17. World Trade Center
18. Peggy Sue Got Married
19. Zandalee
20. Prisoners of the Ghostland
21. City of Angels
22. Willy's Wonderland
23. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
24. Bangkok Dangerous
25. Drive Angry
26. Army of One
27. Lord of War
28. Gone in 60 Seconds
29. Matchstick Men
30. Vampire's Kiss
31. Con Air
32. Face/Off
33. Trapped in Paradise
34. The Boy in Blue
35. Honeymoon in Vegas
36. Deadfall
37. Amos and Andrew
38. Moonstruck
39. Tokarev
40. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
41. Knowing
42. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
43. Bringing Out the Dead
44. The Family Man
45. Stolen
46. It Could Happen to You
47. The Wicker Man
48. 8mm
49. The Frozen Ground
50. Left Behind
51. A Score to Settle
52. Pay the Ghost
53. Primal
54. Dying of the Light
55. Grand Isle
56. Looking Glass
57. Arsenal
58. Between Worlds
59. Ghost Rider
60. Trespass
61. The Humanity Bureau
62. Next
63. The Weather Man
64. 211
65. Fire Birds
66. The Croods

The Wicker Man (feat. Nicolas Cage)

In the early years of Saturn Films, it must have made a lot of sense to remake this 70s cult classic. The Wicker Man was ahead of its time and didn't make much money. But a remake could make a lot of money, especially if the film's most expensive asset (Nicolas Cage) was working for free.

Cage plays police officer Edward Malus who goes on a mission to find a missing child, the daughter of his ex-fiance. She lives on an island with a neo-pagan cult who make honey. Interesting twist, he's severely allergic to bees. Everything's weird and creepy on this island, and it only gets worse as he uncovers the mystery of the missing child.

I can't give much more away without spoiling the film. The mystery element lends a fine excuse for a few of the meaningless plot points. It keeps you wondering. At times it felt like I was watching a high school production of grease instead of the real thing. I get that the movie is meant to be weird, trying to be weird. I found the result boring and contrived.

You may have seen the bad reviews, or the meme of Cage freaking out over the bees. And despite its occasional failures to immerse, I don't think 2006's The Wicker Man was so awful. It wasn't so good either.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Pig
6. Birdy
7. Wild at Heart
8. Joe
9. National Treasure
10. Guarding Tess
11. Snake Eyes
12. Mandy
13. Dog Eat Dog
14. Color Out of Space
15. Mom and Dad
16. World Trade Center
17. Peggy Sue Got Married
18. Zandalee
19. Prisoners of the Ghostland
20. City of Angels
21. Willy's Wonderland
22. Captain Corelli's Mandolin
23. Bangkok Dangerous
24. Drive Angry
25. Army of One
26. Lord of War
27. Gone in 60 Seconds
28. Matchstick Men
29. Vampire's Kiss
30. Con Air
31. Face/Off
32. Trapped in Paradise
33. The Boy in Blue
34. Honeymoon in Vegas
35. Deadfall
36. Amos and Andrew
37. Moonstruck
38. Tokarev
39. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
40. Knowing
41. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
42. Bringing Out the Dead
43. The Family Man
44. Stolen
45. It Could Happen to You

46. The Wicker Man

47. 8mm
48. The Frozen Ground
49. Left Behind
50. A Score to Settle
51. Pay the Ghost
52. Primal
53. Dying of the Light
54. Grand Isle
55. Looking Glass
56. Arsenal
57. Between Worlds
58. Ghost Rider
59. Trespass
60. The Humanity Bureau
61. Next
62. The Weather Man
63. 211
64. Fire Birds
65. The Croods