Patti's Pizza of Eerie, PA

You might say I'm hard to please and that I've been eating too much pizza and that I'm ungrateful for all the glory before me. But I can eat more pizza than you. Patti's is a no-frills kind of sandwich joint with tables and a tv that isn't on. Its pizza has a ratio* of 4cr/3ce/3ch. Their dough gets a 2 out of 5. Texturally it's all right. It reminds me of Monical's pan pizza, which will make you wish you'd ordered the classic thin crust. Patti's dough has no flavor. It's more like breat. In fact, the whole thing tasted more like a stoufer's french bread pizza than a real pizza.

That being said, Patti's sauce gets a 3 out of 5. It was good, but could have had some sweetness to it. Maybe it needed less garlic salt or whatever's in it, and more time to simmer. For style, I'll give Patti's a 3 out of 5. The place was very chill and the guys working were super nice without annoying me in the least. The price of my small pizza was also very good. Very stylish price if you ask me. Some arcade games or a functioning tv could have made a difference. I order water with my meals now, so the beverage situation didn't really apply. Though when I ordered a water, I didn't get one. I had my meal with no beverage at all. Though I could have taken more responsibility there.

For overall quality, I'll give Patti's a 4 out of 5. I think it all boils down to the recipe, which wasn't for me.Everything else about the place was fine. With a final score of 60% I won't be coming back to Patti's. If you disagree with me, please punish me however you see fit, dear reader. Thank you.

*Let me explain my ratio system, regarding mass of standard Pizza Elements. Cr=Crust. Ce=Sauce. Ch=Cheese.

For CR (CRust), 1 is the equivalent of a transparent pizza in the New York style, or the rolled-out, crackery Saint Louis style. 3 would be a regular Domino's hand-tossed Pizza. 4 would be like a Pizza Hut Pan Pizza, and 5 would be like a Sicilian Pizza or some varieties of Deep Dish.

For Ce (sauCE), 1 would be a watery sauce with a thin spreading, no clumping and no oozing. In this cause, the sauce is an afterthought, more like oregano than a key ingredient. 3 would be what you'd expect from a Pizza Hut Pan Pizza. 5 would require a fork to eat.

The Runaway Robot by Lester Del Rey

I tell you what. I'm a couple years behind on my book reports, but this one left me with some good feelings. It's about a boy and his robot, and the sort of cycle of their relationship. Yes, a Robot can do what it's told, but sometimes the values it has programmed into it can create conflict and wild space age adventures all in the name of purpose and friendship. Who doesn't love that kind of stuff?

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway

I'd be disappointed if this book was made into a movie. It's honestly perfect the way it is, an epic story of an old man who fights the fight of his life, the fight he'd been waiting for into old age. With his luck of youth long gone, the old man finds that his luck has been growing this entire time. But what for? I'd like to make a computer game based off this story, kind of like The Oregon Trail meets Sid Meier's Pirates! I think true ones will get it.

The Artificial Kid by Bruce Sterling

This cyberpunk story has a lot going for it. Action, crime, bio-hacking, coming-of-age, social media, and kill streaming. It's not kill streaming, but that's kind of what it is. Yeah, The Artificial Kid was very imaginative and forward thinking, keeping your attention as you try not to trip on the unexplained oddities in Sterling's world. If you like sci-fi of any kind, you should give Bruce some time.

Tommy's Pizza of Cranston, RI

You read that correctly, Rhode Island and Connecticut both have their own signature style of pizza. Tommy's gave us a ratio* of 3cr/3ce/2ch, though the standard tomato pie comes with no cheese at all. I got cheese on half to give myself a full assessment, and because cheese is festive and delicious.

Their crust gets a 4 out of 5. Baked on what I assume is a sheet pan, I found it to be texturally perfect. Chewy, gooey, and crispy. However, there wasn't a lot of flavor to it. Maybe it would be better if it rested in the fridge a couple more days. Tommy's sauce gets a 5 out of 5. It's savory without ever being overbearing, with a perfect texture.

For style I'll give Tommy's a 4 out of 5. A normal square pizza with no cheese isn't a very creative or original thing. In my vegan days I had plenty of cheeseless pies, only I added mushrooms to them. Tommy's house is a no-frills kind of joint that would rather sell you some fish and a bottle of wine than an ice cream cone delivered by model train. That's okay. I could eat there all the time if only I lived closer.

Tommy's gets a 5/5 for quality. My pizza was delicious, without a less than awesome bite. With a final score of 90% I'll be for sure telling my grandma about this place.

*Let me explain my ratio system, regarding mass of standard Pizza Elements. Cr=Crust. Ce=Sauce. Ch=Cheese.

For CR (CRust), 1 is the equivalent of a transparent pizza in the New York style, or the rolled-out, crackery Saint Louis style. 3 would be a regular Domino's hand-tossed Pizza. 4 would be like a Pizza Hut Pan Pizza, and 5 would be like a Sicilian Pizza or some varieties of Deep Dish.

For Ce (sauCE), 1 would be a watery sauce with a thin spreading, no clumping and no oozing. In this cause, the sauce is an afterthought, more like oregano than a key ingredient. 3 would be what you'd expect from a Pizza Hut Pan Pizza. 5 would require a fork to eat.

For CH (CHeese), 1 would be a transparent layer, mostly existing to assure you that your pizza indeed Does have cheese on it. 3 would be a regular Domino's hand-tossed pizza. 4 would be what you get on a Pizza Hut Pan Pizza. And 5 would be what you get in a pizza that requires a fork to eat, like a respectable Deep Dish Pie.

We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver

I did not know there was a movie based on this book until after I read it. I started the movie, but didn't finish it. I wonder if you've seen it. Here we have a story about a woman who gave up a lot to please her husband and be there for her evil son. The evil son completely ruins his mom's life, and in the end all they have is each other. That's how family works, for better or worse. Does that count as a spoiler? I read this one pretty quick, as it's quite juicy. It was well done, but definitely not a light, cozy experience.

Sally's Apizza of New Haven, CT

If you have an interest in regional pizza flavors, you've probably heard of the New Haven Tomato Pie, or something similar. So Sally's Tomato Pie with Mozzarella has a ratio* of 1.5cr/2ce/.5ch. That's right, you can't very well see the cheese on this apizza, but it's there with some 'slice pull', adding enough flavor to bring it all home.

Sally's crust gets a 4 out of 5. It's very chewy with lots of char, which isn't everyone's thing. I think the char adds some complexity to the flavor profile, as the sauce can be quite sweet. However, a burnt crust without sauce is pretty unenjoyable and I don't think I can get into heaven unless I eat my crust. You will also get some flour in your mouth, which is normal for neapolitan pizza, but I don't love that feel. However, the goo is there and the goo is if great import.

Sally's sauce gets a 5 out of 5. It's sweet, simple, savory, and perfect. In combination with everything, it's a heavenly bite. For style, I give Sally's a 4 out of 5. It certainly has a style, but $25 is a lot for a 16" pizza with no topppings. But there was a line around the block for it, so I don't blame them for charging so much. I wonder if this exact kind of pizza could succeed so well in other spots. For Quality, I see no reason not to give Sally's a 5 out of 5. They really know what they're doing and they do it right. With a final score of 90%, I'd recommend this spot to anyone who claims to like pizza. My friend John said it was so good, he ate so much it made him sick. I hope that doesn't happen to me.

* Let me explain my ratio system, regarding mass of standard Pizza Elements. Cr=Crust. Ce=Sauce. Ch=Cheese.

For CR (CRust), 1 is the equivalent of a transparent pizza in the New York style, or the rolled-out, crackery Saint Louis style. 3 would be a regular Domino's hand-tossed Pizza. 4 would be like a Pizza Hut Pan Pizza, and 5 would be like a Sicilian Pizza or some varieties of Deep Dish.

For Ce (sauCE), 1 would be a watery sauce with a thin spreading, no clumping and no oozing. In this cause, the sauce is an afterthought, more like oregano than a key ingredient. 3 would be what you'd expect from a Pizza Hut Pan Pizza. 5 would require a fork to eat.

For CH (CHeese), 1 would be a transparent layer, mostly existing to assure you that your pizza indeed Does have cheese on it. 3 would be a regular Domino's hand-tossed pizza. 4 would be what you get on a Pizza Hut Pan Pizza. And 5 would be what you get in a pizza that requires a fork to eat, like a respectable Deep Dish Pie.

Mistborn: The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson

This book is long, like an epic fantasy. But is it epic? It mostly takes place in one big fantasy city with a gang of variously powered 'allowmancers' working together on a classic Heist. Our main hero is a messiah-type man, and our fledgling hero is a very unfortunate young woman named Vin who gets all the powers and a solid hunk of wish-fulfillment. I think of this book was made into a movie, she'd be played by the next Rachel Leigh Cook or something. For a modern all-ages fantasy, there was a good bit of allegory in this book regarding class divide and problematic power structures. The hard magic of Allowmancy drives the exciting plot twists in a way that is very satisfying. Is Mistborn my thing? Not really. But I will say it's well done and you should read it if this Is your thin.

River of Shadows by Karena Halle

I was always intrigued by Romantasy as a genre, like smut with humans and fantasy creatures sounds great. But we end up with some fifty shades-type scenario where a regular self insert softens the heart of an evil god. This one has a lot of finnish mythology stuff in it. If you found something deeper, please let me know. I'd love to find a fantasy novel that is romance heavy without falling into this basic format.

Ledo Pizza of Ocean City, MD

Did you know there's a Maryland Style Pizza? Now you do. Ledo Pizza has a ratio of 1.5cr/2ce/2ch. The crust gets a 3 out of 5, which is the main thing that makes this style of pizza. It's thin, sweet, and kind of biscuit-like. And it's good, but I'd prefer a little more chew. The lack of chewiness did give more power to the flavor of its sauce, which gets a 5 out of 5, which might be a bit generous. I may be compensating for the harshness of the crust's 3. But! The sauce is a perfect consistency, and it's also sweet. There's no spice and saltiness in this experience.

For style, I give Ledo Pizza a 4 out of 5. It's different in a generally good way. I wish I could try everything on their menu. And they gave me a really big side of sauce, which is a big deal, and may also contribute to their quality score which is 5 out of 5. If you've ever been to Ocean City, you might guess there's no industry outside of food and hospitality. So the people making food are doing it right. With an overall score of 85% I'd love to try Ledo's again, but there's another region chain I may not get to on this voyage. Stay tuned to see if I ever get to experience Grotto Pizza.

* Let me explain my ratio system, regarding mass of standard Pizza Elements. Cr=Crust. Ce=Sauce. Ch=Cheese.

For CR (CRust), 1 is the equivalent of a transparent pizza in the New York style, or the rolled-out, crackery Saint Louis style. 3 would be a regular Domino's hand-tossed Pizza. 4 would be like a Pizza Hut Pan Pizza, and 5 would be like a Sicilian Pizza or some varieties of Deep Dish.

For Ce (sauCE), 1 would be a watery sauce with a thin spreading, no clumping and no oozing. In this cause, the sauce is an afterthought, more like oregano than a key ingredient. 3 would be what you'd expect from a Pizza Hut Pan Pizza. 5 would require a fork to eat.

For CH (CHeese), 1 would be a transparent layer, mostly existing to assure you that your pizza indeed Does have cheese on it. 3 would be a regular Domino's hand-tossed pizza. 4 would be what you get on a Pizza Hut Pan Pizza. And 5 would be what you get in a pizza that requires a fork to eat, like a respectable Deep Dish Pie.

Wegman's Pizza of Raleigh, NC

Before yesterday I'd never been to a Wegmans, which is the nicest grocery store I've been to in my humble 40 years. They sell pizzas of every general variety. Nothing too crazy. I could loiter here all day, at Wegman's wonderful 'cafe' area, where you can buy most types of hot food. My slice had a ratio of 3cr/2ce/3ch.

The crust gets a 3 out of 5. Texturally it's very good, though a hair on the dry side. There isn't much flavor to it. The sauce gets a 4 out of 5. It's sweet and adequately thick, minding me of what I might get at Chuck E. Cheese's.

For style, I'll give Wegman's a 3 out of 5. It's a grocery store pizza, so I wouldn't expect them to do anything that stands out. I like that I can quickly buy my slice and sit wherever I want with nobody asking me to tip. I wish it was cheaper, since quantity-wise it's about the same value as a slice from 7-11. I give Wegman's a 5 out of 5 for quality. I figure the quality might falter if they were making a couple hundred pizzas to order every day, but they're not. And it seems like the nice old ladies making the pizzas have one very simple job to do and they do it well.

With an overall score of 75%, I likely will eat Wegman's again if Pizza is what I'm having and there's a less enticing option. I know Raleigh has pizzas galore, but I'm not sure where to find an old local staple.

* Let me explain my ratio system, regarding mass of standard Pizza Elements. Cr=Crust. Ce=Sauce. Ch=Cheese.

For CR (CRust), 1 is the equivalent of a transparent pizza in the New York style, or the rolled-out, crackery Saint Louis style. 3 would be a regular Domino's hand-tossed Pizza. 4 would be like a Pizza Hut Pan Pizza, and 5 would be like a Sicilian Pizza or some varieties of Deep Dish.

For Ce (sauCE), 1 would be a watery sauce with a thin spreading, no clumping and no oozing. In this cause, the sauce is an afterthought, more like oregano than a key ingredient. 3 would be what you'd expect from a Pizza Hut Pan Pizza. 5 would require a fork to eat.

For CH (CHeese), 1 would be a transparent layer, mostly existing to assure you that your pizza indeed Does have cheese on it. 3 would be a regular Domino's hand-tossed pizza. 4 would be what you get on a Pizza Hut Pan Pizza. And 5 would be what you get in a pizza that requires a fork to eat, like a respectable Deep Dish Pie.

The Waste Lands by Stephen King

This is the fourth book in the Dark Tower series. Roland and Jake need to be reunited, so they do some going between worlds again. There are some bad guys and action and cute creatures, leading me to think this was hoped to become an epic film series. I know they did a movie of the first Dark Tower, but I don't know if the whole thing can happen in King's lifetime. It wouldn't surprise me if we did get it someday, with some AI enhanced graphics to make it look like an 80s Spielberg feature. I'd be curious to see it.

Satan Burger by Carlton Mellick III

With this, I was hoping for more horror than the bizarro thing I got. But it was fun. Carl Mellick III is, I guess famous for pushing forth this type of storytelling where our world and characters are too messed up and wrong(?) to make us fear for them. It's all pretty fun and clever, showing no lack of Culture in our writer. The details are fuzzy to me now, but I know Satan opens a burger shop where food is paid for with the consumer's soul. There are debaucherous noise/punk performances, terrible driving scenes, and appearances from both God and Jesus. It's worth checking out if you are a person of culture as well. 

Wild at Heart by Barry Gifford

I was a big fan of the Nicolas Cage film Wild at Heart and when I found out it was based on a book, of course I had to read it. Most of the story beats are the same, without David Lynch's theatrical pizzazz. This story is part of a longer volume that I didn't finish and assume tells about our minor characters. Altogether it's a pretty good piece of writing for those who like crime, wild romance, and Big Tuna. 

My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday

It took me a very long time to finish this book. It's a collection of letters from various women to the author, telling the secrets of their sexual fantasies, divided into topics and bookended with authorial essays. It's a very interesting topic, but a lot to get through. 

The Circle by Dave Eggers

Here's another book which I did not yet know had been made into a movie. It tells the story of a young woman's blossoming career in the tech world of silicon valley where she works for the Circle. I think that's what it's called. Basically the company likes to track every place and every person because no information should be destroyed or forgotten, or private. Needless to say, not everyone is into this. Things go bad for some people. At the time of its advent I think this story was far more poignant. As of now, its concepts are old and not very scary. 

Wool by Hugh Howey

Here we go. People had been talking about this awesome sci-fi tv show with the enchanting Rebecca Ferguson, Rashida Jones, and Steve Zahn. And I watched a few episodes, after reading this book which I think tells the story of both seasons of the tv show. It's good. Immersive, dark, makes you wonder. If you like modern science fiction, you'll like it. 

It's about people who live in underground silos after some sort of catastrophic event on earth, and there's a lot of control in the amount of information people can have. There's also a lot of climbing and going down stairs, which the tv show doesn't emphasize enough. 

Other People's Clothes by Calla Henkel

This book is kind of a murder mystery. Well, we have two friends who meet while studying abroad in Berlin. They rent a house from a famous writer for very cheap, and throw parties to supplement their rent. 

No spoilers here, I promise. One girl kills herself and the other can't believe it is so, and ends up in an insane asylum after reading her old friends' diary and going out pretending to be the friend, in her clothes. I liked this book. Sure. Was it my thing? I don't know. I'm not super into mysteries above juicy thrills. Maybe you'd like it. 

Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism by Amanda Montell

Cults. Is there a topic more juicy? Who doesn't want to adapt a completely regimented lifestyle to help them avoid all the crap they don't want to do? But cults are not just religions, of course not. Cults can be gyms, MLMs, and support groups. 

And this book goes into some depth about the language many of these groups adapt to divide themselves from anyone who's not in the cult. It's all pretty interesting, but it's not as juicy as a tell-all from someone who sold their soul, castrated themselves, or went into human trafficing. So don't expect that here. 

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis

 As soon as I discovered the iconic film American Psycho was based on a book, I immediately added it to my reading list. I loved the long essays with fumbled facts about Genesis, Huey Louis, and Whitney Houston. Such deep feelings really might endear you to the twisted Patrick Batemen. But the book is so graphic. So much more graphic than the movie. So much more graphic than it needed to be. But hey. If you liked the movie and you like books, you should read it. And buy me a tie from Hugo Boss.