Mama Mia's Pizzeria of Orlando, FL

I don't know why, but most touristy cities have an aversion to late night food options. Orlando is a little better than most, since it does contain all of the good and bad qualities of a normal big town. After my flight got in, delayed four hours, we found this slice shop that was open until 1am. Besides serving quick slices, Mama Mia's also had cheap, delicious pies, with a ratio of 1.5cr/1ce/2ch, giving a strong nod to the tradition of New York Italian pizza. Their crust gets a 3 out of 5. It had a great texture and was delicious. However, it could have used a little more love and care in the stretching process. The middle of the pie was falling apart due to the cheese grease soaking into the dough. This fact didn't effect my enjoyment of the delicious pizza, however it must be noted. Their sauce gets a 4 out of 5. It had the taste of those good tomatoes, and wasn't as thin as you'd normally expect on a super thin pizza that's sold by the slice. For overall quality, they get a 3 out of 5, mainly because of the messy struggle involved with each slie's first bite. For style, they get a 4 out of 5. Their pizzas are fast and cheap, served late. The interior of the shop isn't fancy or pretentious, letting their delicious food speak for itself. Customers can't get their own drink refills, and only the first refill is free, but that's fine. It's a small place, and not intended for loitering. At least you can get your own parmesan cheese.

Mama Mia's Pizzeria ends with a score of 70%. I hope to return someday, hopefully less hungry than I was the first time.

The Boy in Blue (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Released in 1986, this film seems feels much older. The lighting is bright and the costumes are old, probably all coming from some classic western. I could imagine this film playing on AMC through the wood-paneled tv at my grandparents' house as the Verkruyse brood piled into the kitchen, smelling of fresh pie crust and dog poop.

Taking place in the late 19th century, The Boy in Blue is a sports film about a famous sculler (row boat racer) named Ned Hanlan, who was a real guy. Presumably based on real events, this plausible film provides no surprises. Every scene plays out as expected, and the drama is efficiently presented over a wonderful score. I love the music in old sport movies, like in Rocky. With this film, we get the big, triumphant strings, followed by a mode change to the natural minor, with grim, slow synths, before it goes into a tender piano solo, leading back to the huge vamp. There's even a training montage, which really gets me going.

The acting was fine. I know Cage hadn't yet found his style, but his performance is far above par for his acting-sports-star contemporaries. We get to watch Ned's rise to glory as his honor is challenged many times, but we know Ned. He's the good guy, and he's going to win because he's the good guy.

So how was the film? It was a small achievement, excecuted acceptably, worth probably more attention than it received. But that's mainly due to Cage's performance. At first glance, one probably considers this a one-dimensional "foagie flick", but there are some boobs in it, and Nicolas Cage.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Birdy
6. Wild at Heart
7. Joe
8. Dog Eat Dog
9. Color Out of Space
10. Mom and Dad
11. Peggy Sue Got Married
12. Zandalee
13. City of Angels
14. Bangkok Dangerous
15. Drive Angry
16. Lord of War
17. Gone in 60 Seconds
18. Matchstick Men
19. Vampire's Kiss
20. Con Air
21. Face/Off
22. The Boy in Blue
23. Honeymoon in Vegas
24. Amos and Andrew
25. Moonstruck
26. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
27. Bringing Out the Dead
28. The Family Man
29. Knowing
30. It Could Happen to You
31. 8mm
32. Between Worlds
33. Ghost Rider
34. The Humanity Bureau
35. Next
36. The Weather Man
37. 211
38. The Croods

The Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bujold

After volumes of violence-oriented fantasy, I may have found what I needed in The Curse of Chalion. There are fights and battles, sure, but they're short and free from the baggage of astute strategical analysis. Two sides fight, and the victories are always due to some intel the reader may have forgotten unless they were paying super close attention. That being said, the story isn't about battles.

It's about a curse, and royal politics. There's also a slow burning romance which gives us further cause to keep rooting for our hero, even when the best we can hope for our dear Lord Cazaril is a happy death. So I thought The Curse of Chalion was a good story, well told. But did it hit the spot? Maybe not for me. While every comfortable, beautiful place has plenty of room for darkness, I don't always connect with royal lives in predominantly royal places. That being said, I think every 'good' fantasy contains the things we readers like to imagine. So for some people, this might be the best of the best.

Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice

I don't know if it might have been better to see the movie before reading the book, since I automatically assigned the images of Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, and Kirsten Dunst to their respective vampires. If you've never read this book before, its story is told almost entirely in quotation marks, told by Louis (Brad Pitt).

While Louis tells the story of his own vampirage with its phases, I felt like the dangers and dramas of Louis's unlife was used as more of a setting to the story of all vampires. And I did think it was a good read, a must read for anyone with a special affinity for vampires. In case you were wondering, reader, I don't have a hard on for vampires. They just happen to be a big topic in scary stories. I happen to be of the belief that robots have much more potential for scariness and sexiness. For one, they're warm and don't need to sleep in coffins.

So if any of you know any stories about evil sexy robots, please send them my way.

Knowing (feat. Nicolas Cage)

In this 2009 film, Cage plays yet another Joe. This one is a college professor, really struggling with the death of his wife. His son is exceptionally smart (movie kid smart) and wears a hearing aid because he hears weird sounds that nobody else can. Their house is huge, shabby, and awesome; the kind of house you'd want to have if you were an astrophysicist.

For those of you who don't remember, the late 2000s was a big time for the apocalypse. People thought the world was going to end in 2012, because that's when one of the old calendars ended. Of course, this premontion turned out to be of less consequence than the Y2K "virus". But in its day, this movie was intended to be scary.

That said, Knowing is a high-budget, fully actualized bad movie, better than Armageddon (as a point of reference). Joe finds the prophecy, and he especially cares about death and loss because it's something close to his heart. He teams up with the prophet's daughter, who turns out to have terrible coping skills, and doesn't help anything. But what can be helped? Some people are trying to stop the end of the world, others are trying to survive it, but most people are freaking out as hard as possible. As if there were anything they could do about it.

And it's hard not to spoil the story, but I will say there are aliens involved. They don't cause the pending apocalypse, but they do have a hand in keeping the "human spirit" from going extinct. In fact, there's a really huge scene with Nick Cage and the Aliens and an orchestra, which would make a great clip for an inspirational video if you were to ever give a presentation at your local church camp or dystopian coorporate job.

At just over two hours long, I admit to watching some parts of this film on high speed. It was too long and too stupid. Despite its daytime tv dialogue, vacuous characters, and boring story, Knowing was pretty well made, especially entertaining for those desparate for a thrill.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Birdy
6. Wild at Heart
7. Joe
8. Dog Eat Dog
9. Color Out of Space
10. Mom and Dad
11. Peggy Sue Got Married
12. Zandalee
13. City of Angels
14. Bangkok Dangerous
15. Drive Angry
16. Lord of War
17. Gone in 60 Seconds
18. Matchstick Men
19. Vampire's Kiss
20. Con Air
21. Face/Off
22. Honeymoon in Vegas
23. Amos and Andrew
24. Moonstruck
25. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
26. Bringing Out the Dead
27. The Family Man
28. Knowing
29. It Could Happen to You
30. 8mm
31. Between Worlds
32. Ghost Rider
33. The Humanity Bureau
34. Next
35. The Weather Man
36. 211
37. The Croods

Eye of the World by Robert Jordan

A few years ago, as a sort of participation in hype-backlash, I read George R. R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire books, without first engaging in the hit tv series. They were great books, but after that I wanted a series that would appeal more strictly to fans of high fantasy. So I decided to start Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series. Back in 2018, I could barely get through a few pages without falling asleep. In my year of a hundred books, I considered myself worthy to the task, and once again picked up Eye of the World.

That being said, if you are not a fan of high fantasy and, more exclusively, Lord of the Rings, then you will not care about this book. Really, for all of Eye of the World's three hundred thousand words, there isn't much in the way of original story. A world has been built for the story, but it didn't really grip me. The names and geography have to seeming significance.

Starting in the vanilla village of Two Rivers, Jordan gave us three village boys. One is small and quick, one is big and strong, and the last is tall and medium. One of these characters, who the readers were not supposed to immediately guess the identity of, is the one, sought out by Shades (Nazguls) and Trollocs (Orcs), who set out to ruin the party's quest to safety. The premise might have been more interesting if the party were instead trying to end in someplace dangerous like Mount Doom.

Besides the party's bard (gleeman) and bodyguard (warder), there are three magic using ladies. One wears a braid, one doesn't, and the other is in between. Aside from the fact that one is a love interest, they are all the same character. Maybe I'm being too harsh on this book. After all, it was published in 1990, and perhaps back then it was more acceptable for writers to make their books as long as possible, just for the sake of being long. And I don't regret reading Eye of the World to the end. After all, I had to know what I had been missing. Maybe Robert Jordan didn't want to pollute his creative process by exploring fantasy stories that weren't Lord of the Rings. Either way, I Eye of the World is the most boring thing I've ever read. Sorry if all of you hardcore fans think I'm wrong. If you have any good reasons, please let me know.

Night of the Living Dummy 2 by R.L. Stine

I might say the first Night of the Living Dummy was more memorable, but there were definitely some scares in the 2nd one. It's about Amy, a young girl who does ventriloquism for her family talent night, while her older sister got all of the artistic talent of the crew. But Amy is passionate and determined, and her father eventually buys her a new (used) dummy named Slappy. And Slappy the dummy causes all kinds of scary trouble for our little hero!

Papa's Pizza of Robinson North Carolina

On my last trip through the mountainous areas of Western North Carolina, I tried to stop at Papa's, for their buffet. Sometimes it's good to pile up on some salad to balance the whole diet, but at the time they were closed. So I tried again this next time, and their salad bar was pretty weak. Oh well. Their pizza was pretty good, though. It had a ratio of 3cr/2ce/2ch. Their crust reminded me of Cici's pizza. It had a thin skin of chewiness with a soft, but sometimes undercooked center. The flavor was there, but the dough was stretched sloppily, and sometimes dough. So I give their crust a 2 out of 5. Papa's has good sauce, better than Cici's. It's thick and tasty without any weirdness. It gets a 3 out of 5. For overall quality, they get a 3 out of 5. Their pizza did its job, satisfying the craving for 'za, but there was nothing remarkable about it. For style, they get a 3 out of 5. I like the option of a buffet, but if the salad is bogus like it was, then there's no real point in getting anything besides a mediocre, cheap pie. The restaurant itself was a pretty chill place to jump in and get a quick, delicious lunch. That's right, I said delicious. With a score of 55%, I would never turn my nose up at Papa's delicious pizza.

Between Worlds (feat. Nicolas Cage)

I respect Cage's inclination toward weird and artsy films. Between Worlds is one of those, sort of. It is, but not very much until I'd already decided the movie wasn't very good and that there wasn't much that could save it. I think writer/director/producer Maria Pulera felt the same way. She got halfway through her supernatural thriller and realized it was lame, and thought she could save it by making it as weird as possible, deliberately taking cues for style from Twin Peaks.

In Between Worlds, Cage plays another Joe, a down-on-his-luck trucker with a tragic past. By chance, he finds an innocent woman, Julie, getting strangled in a gas station bathroom. The catch is Julie wanted to be strangled. Getting close to death allows her into the 'other' world, where she can revive her comatose daughter.

So Joe strangles Julie too, but the magic at play goes wrong and bad stuff happens to everyone. The story is more interesting when told in a few sentences than when stretched out over an hour and a half of bad movie. I should have known this movie would be bad when I saw, for no reason at all, a close up of the gas station attendant's butt crack, a shot I found analogous to the quality of this film.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Birdy
6. Wild at Heart
7. Joe
8. Dog Eat Dog
9. Color Out of Space
10. Mom and Dad
11. Peggy Sue Got Married
12. Zandalee
13. City of Angels
14. Bangkok Dangerous
15. Drive Angry
16. Lord of War
17. Gone in 60 Seconds
18. Matchstick Men
19. Vampire's Kiss
20. Con Air
21. Face/Off
22. Honeymoon in Vegas
23. Amos and Andrew
24. Moonstruck
25. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
26. Bringing Out the Dead
27. The Family Man
28. It Could Happen to You
29. 8mm
30. Between Worlds
31. Ghost Rider
32. The Humanity Bureau
33. Next
34. The Weather Man
35. 211
36. The Croods

The Shadow over Innsmouth by H.P. Lovecraft

This is a scary book about a guy who visits an ill-reputed town of fish people who live forever. If you like well-described monsters coming to get a well non-described narrator (you?), then this is probably going to be your thing. And I say go for it. Lovecraft stories never disappoint.

Wonderland by Joyce Carol Oates

As you know, my older sister got my The Accursed by Joyce Carol Oates for Christmas a couple years ago, so I wanted to return the favor. Wonderland is about a guy who has a messed up adolescence, and copes with it by becoming a top brain surgeon. In the early 70s it must have been some perfect mesh of literature, edge, and pulp. In the year 2021, it's a fine book. Nothing revolutionary, but you know, good for an Oates Completionist, or anyone who needs a reminder of how good writing is done.

Joe (feat. Nicolas Cage)

Joe is like a super hero film, but our hero isn't super at all. He has no powers aside from the fact that he's a boss among the crew of outlaws who work with him, poisoning trees so the lumberjacks don't have to get their hands dirty. Still, Joe has to do the right thing, and all the while, doing the right thing keeps getting more dangerous.

While many of Cage's heroic roles haven't aged well, Joe gives us a very modern, immersive experience. It is gloomy and emotional, for those of us who don't naturally feel emotional over the events in films like Ghost Rider. I don't think I'll ever be able to watch Joe without feeling disturbed.

So I guess you get more bang for your buck with this one. It's not for everyone, and maybe not for watching more than once. Maybe this is the kind of film all those edgy, 90s directors wanted to make, but couldn't. Instead they kept themselves from going too far. Though I guess the makers of Joe intended to go as far as possible.

However, they knew what it takes to make a good film. Even the worst of lives have their best days. And it is the best of films that remind us of how those good times felt. In addition to the talents of Cage, we get star performances all around, bringing the villains and the demons all too close to our own realities.

Despite Joe's goodness, I can only dish out so much love to the format of a hero story. Amid Joe's challenges along the arch of his story, none of the characters go through any satisfying, internal changes, leaving us with a lack of dimension. But gosh, I'm probably expecting too much.

1. Raising Arizona
2. Leaving Las Vegas
3. Red Rock West
4. Adaptation
5. Birdy
6. Wild at Heart
7. Joe
8. Dog Eat Dog
9. Color Out of Space
10. Mom and Dad
11. Peggy Sue Got Married
12. Zandalee
13. City of Angels
14. Bangkok Dangerous
15. Drive Angry
16. Lord of War
17. Gone in 60 Seconds
18. Matchstick Men
19. Vampire's Kiss
20. Con Air
21. Face/Off
22. Honeymoon in Vegas
23. Amos and Andrew
24. Moonstruck
25. The Sorcerer's Apprentice
26. Bringing Out the Dead
27. The Family Man
28. It Could Happen to You
29. 8mm
30. Ghost Rider
31. The Humanity Bureau
32. Next
33. The Weather Man
34. 211
35. The Croods

Butch's Grillacatessen & Eatzeria of Bloomington Indiana

I like to call it Butch's, known for having one of the most extensive menus I've ever seen. But I think the only thing they do really well is make pizza.. In a tiny town with tons of 'za, I think Butch's gets us the closest to New York. Their ratio is 1.5cr/1ce/1.5ch.

While they don't get as thin or as light as you might at first hope, their crust is quite delicious and easy to scarf. It gets a 4 out of 5. Their sauce gets a 5 out of 5. It doesn't step out much, and doesn't need to. It's made with the good tomatoes.

For Overall Quality, they get a 4. For Style, they get a 3. While they succeed at making great pizza and serve knots, their knots aren't very good, and their pizza is only a passing substitute for what it's trying for. I'd give them a 2 if their menu didn't offer tons of side options. So, Butch's ends with an 80%.

Night of the Living Dummy by R.L. Stine

This is my third Goosebumps book, and I have to say I am a fan of the series, enjoying this one those most so far. Did you ever have nightmares as a kid? Sure, maybe we all did. R.L. Stine knew, and he made those nightmares come true with Night of the Living Dummy. It kind of makes me want to name my next (fictional) son Mr. Wood.

Of the twin sisters, one is a great ventriloquist, and the other sister wants a dummy of her own. They are the type of twins who compete over everything, opening the way for their dummies to cause all kinds of dangerous trouble.

Thinner by Richard Bachman

For my horror month, I was going to instead read The Running Man, but I found this one on paperback, and you've already been informed about my spending time outside with the sun limiting my ebook hours. Thinner was a good read, though. In Stephen King (Richard Bachman) fashion, our hero gets a curse and it keeps getting worse. I told myself I'd be surprised if they made a movie of this, and I was surprised to find out it had been done. I don't really expect it to be good, so I don't intend to be disappointed unless all of the characters are lacking in the severe New England accent which I affect to all of King's characters.

But. Should you read Thinner? Sure. It's scary; not as scary as Misery, but still a lot of fun.