Undead and Unwed by Mary Janice Davidson

 

As an introduction to a new series, I thought it was pretty good.  I haven't read a ton of paranormal romance but I think Mary Janice Davidson put a fun twist on the whole thing.  Each chapter had me expecting a commercial break.  In fact, while most of the attempted humor had me groaning, it was easy to imagine this novel as a tv show coming on after Xena but before Charmed and Buffy.  

When I picked up this copy, I swore I'd seen the rest of the series waiting on the shelf.  Though last time, half price books didn't have any.  Maybe I was under a vampire's spell!

What was Rocky's is now Hoosier's.

The title refers to "two" Pizza joints on the north side of Bloomington.  The pizza is the same.  I give it a rating of 3cr/2.5ce/3.5ch.  To their bathroom, I crossed the kitchen and piles of Rocky's Pizza boxes.  Much of their staff is the same.  On the Rocky's Pizza boxes, there was a cartoon picture of Rocky as a cowboy.  The old theme was Cowboy, almost without effort.  This is what it looks like now.  Classic Hoosiers.  

Their pizza didn't change at all.  I'll give their crust a 2/5.  It's very dense.  Not enough yeast and not enough kneading.  It might be someone else's bag.  Not mine.  

Their sauce gets a 2/5.  It did the job.  At least they opened a can of "tomato sauce" and stirred in some Italian seasoning.  

Overall quality gets a 3/5.  Even though there's nothing especially good about their pizza, I can tell it was made with some care and deliberation.  This is Bloomington Indiana.  The town where I live.  Most pizza joints put no effort into make their pizzas consistently good.  Most pizza employees are college students who aren't paid fairly and don't care anyway.  If this pizza was made anywhere else, I'd give them a 2/5 for quality.  

Style gets a 1/5.  No number of (2) decorative basketball jerseys will compensate for this pie's complete lack of distinction.  Rocky's at least had the cool western theme and played Bonanza on tv.  Today I was subjected to The Doctors among other atrocities of daytime broadcast television.  I will, however give Hoosier's credit for being a great value.  Their 14" cheese pizza was only $9.25, which is so admirable.  So admirable in fact that you should get one of their pizzas as soon as possible.  

So Rocky's, I mean Hoosier's.  You get a 40%.  Pretty all right in the grand scheme of things.  

Lords and Ladies by Terry Pratchett

 

Even if you haven't read Terry Pratchett, you have probably heard good things.  I bet all those good things are true.  You don't have to read any of Pratchett's Discworld series in a particular order.  In fact, Lords and Ladies is part four of a series within a series.  I found myself visualizing every scene as a cartoon in response to its nonstop comedic action.  Pratchett's wizards are powerful, perplexing, and unlike any wizards you've seen in movies.  His elves are pompous and terrifying.  His trolls are equally surprising, familiar, and hilarious while his kings are fools and his dwarves are debonair.  

Lords and Ladies will make you laugh, cry, and rouse the hero within because the magic you often find turns out to be magic that was within you the whole time and it's saving your kingdom in the nick of time.  

I've taken to gravy

 

It didn't start with a dream, but I had a dream.  I was mall walking and the whole mall was a food court.  The genre of food was fried chicken.  KFC, Lee's, Church's, Popeye's, Crispy Crunchy, Bojangles, Hardees (from the 90s), and more.  None serving food cooked to order, making you wait around while they assemble your sloppy sandwich and fry your soggy fries.  

French fries have let me down.  I've made no secret about it.  Since then, I've come to a logical conclusion about gravy.  It will never be less healthy than ketchup.  Mashed potatoes and gravy will probably always be more worth it than fries.  So there you have it.  Let's do the mash sometime. 

Catlow by Louis L'Amour

 

Since my 34th birthday, I have indeed read some books.  Many of them were ebooks to boot.  So I may not be talking about all of them.  Reading also feels constructive, even in a relaxing context.  It keeps the brain ticking at a healthy, natural pace you know?  In fiction, justice is often actually served and it's often served at the right temperature.  Stories provide a nice place to insert yourself when you don't want to exist in our present world.  

This year I intend to finish writing my 2nd book.  It's a fantasy novel and I won't be talking about it much.  You probably won't get to read it.  There will be (almost) no bragging, pitching, nagging, plugging, branding, back patting, and circle jerking.  That's not what this blog is about.  Anyway, I think good writing requires research.  I'd be a dick to expect people to read my story without doing my homework and genuinely trying to understand what will make that story good.

I bring up writing as an activity, because I was very impressed by Louis L'Amour's about the author.  He sounds like a super intimidating ass hole.  A world war two hero and a seemingly perfect guide into the western world.  No surprise, Catlow was a neat story.  The action was exciting, the characters were mostly admirable, and the desert was dry and dangerous.  The cowboy skills were so impressive I found myself rootin' and tootin'.  Rootin' for who though?  The hero or the villain?  Both are so killer.  

Phantom Pleasures by Julie Leto

It didn't grip me too hard but I powered through.  Nothing about this story is otherwise indicative of 2008's Saint Augustine.  The most important thing about that month and place is that four of the coolest young men on earth moved into a house together.  A dining room table was included. There were some dentures in a storage room above the garage, as well as a license plate advertising Studio 13 Disco.  

At the time of release, they had a promotional poster at the Old City Gift Shop.  I bet the book sold well to tourists of the exceptionally literate persuasion.  Phantom Pleasures, while somewhat entertaining, had the quality of story you might otherwise expect from a made for tv movie.  Too bad special effects aren't free.  They could have left out the special effects because in the end, it doesn't even matter.  Much like the story of our lives, most efforts and events have zero effect on how the story ends.  We will eventually run out of pages and have to figure out how to end things on a note satisfying enough to sell our next thing.  Honestly, I would expect a better recommendation from the Old City Gift Shop on Cathedral Street in 2008.  

A blog with a purpose

 That is what I present to you.  For years I have been asking close friends and total strangers this gnawing question.  "Where can I find the human equivalent to dog food?"  I am sick and tired of constantly combating questions like.  "What do I eat?"  "Is it worth the effort?"  "Is it worth my money?"  "Is it worth the calories?"  

I've had enough.  I am a busy man who eats to live and doesn't live to eat.  If it's not pizza, it doesn't matter and you don't matter.  Somebody please find me a can of food.

Some Guys' of Carmel, IN

 

Provided by the Swindle Parents, Some Guys' was the recommendation so we got it, though they were only doing carry out.  Their cheese pizza was the da bomb.  It reminded me of Monical's with a little more heft and attitude.  Their ratio is 2.5cr/2.5ce/3ch.  

I'd give their crust a 4/5.  While somewhat dry and floury at the bottom, it was full of flavor and had a satisfying chew.  I pulled the cheese off a slice and, to my delight, found many small bubbles.  

I also give their sauce a 4/5.  I like how they put herbs on top of the pizza instead of packing more of them into the sauce.  I also detected the taste of pepperoncini.  It's a good beer drinking, movie watching pizza for sure.  

Overall quality gets a 5/5.  I might have gotten a better feel for the fresh 'za if we had dined it.  Either way, I think it was great stuff.  The pizza with toppings was a little bit difficult to eat but that's okay.  I'm only rating cheese pizzas.  

Style gets a 4/5.  While the pizza itself wasn't very unique, I think the restaurant looked cool.  It was like the smash club.  I bet the music gets really loud there.  

This gives Some Guys an 85%.  That's pretty good.  I hope to check out the dining experience asap but it will probably be a while.  I haven't even gone to pizza king a 2nd time.  

This is Lord Reptile with the box.  

"Ruins" by Ricky Tesla

A guy I met one time sent me a link to his new album.  In 2014, Ricky Tesla played bass and sang in a South Carolina band called Revolt Plan 8.  They played grungy punk, lead by bass riffs accompanied by super tight drums and modest guitar flavors.  It's rare to receive personal messages plugging new work so I took it as an invitation to ask some questions and do a review.  

Ruins is compiled mostly of loops and guitar noodling with the sentimental feeling you might get showing up stoned to a flea market.  Track one gives you the impression that something large is being built.  Maybe it's the fuzzy drum loop, shambling along like an ancient concrete mixer plugged into a practice amp.  Brick by brick, like the pyramids, we witness the laying of Ricky's foundation.  Of course the meat and potatoes of the opener could be digested within three minutes but things are different when you take the time to space out.  Your ears start playing tricks on you.  Often with a homemade album, each track is like a different dish cooked up with the same ingredients.  Some are basic sides while others hit you with everything at once.  Regardless, it all digests the same.  

The most memorable track is Blue Meadow, with the cool riff.  Again, the beat conjures a vision of ancient egypt if they had had smelly garages piled with old music gear.  Stuff like your first drum set.  

You could upgrade the stock cymbals and buy some new sticks but the old ones, a decade beyond repair, still have some love to give.  While some of the riffs could vamp some classic sludging doomer jam, their purpose was decided the same as an undercooked noodle.  Surely some ideas were thrown out in the creation of Ruins but Ricky made a point to make the most of everything he had.  

Janine Finds a New Home

 

For most of the last two decades, she lived in the garage in a rubbermaid box.  But now, her purple/electric blue jumpsuit has come back into high fashion.  Scoot out of the way, porcelain poodles.  It's time to hang out in the china cabinet.  Maybe from here, she'll find a sexy, intelligent man who's into collecting spores, molds, and fungus. 

One thing I will never forget.

The pizza hut Chicago dish.  The folks found it cheaper to split 3 big slams (3/$2) of diet pepsi between the six of us than to spring for free refills.  We couldn't just splurge and not splurge.  We had to constantly splurge so minimally that it didn't really count.  While you can't really out bad ass an unlimited flow of fountain diet coke, there is a certain understated experience in nursing a diet soda.  Just jumping in your seat knowing that within 12 minutes, your Chicago dish will be here and you're sweating it big time.  

You check the jukebox to kill some time and in an attempt to cool your blood, down all the complimentary waters.  Free ice water just for sitting down.  You scout for new bathroom art and sing into the echos.  Dank and confusing.  How can a room exist in such an iconic hut without smelling like the dust of ten thousand parmesan cheeses?  What has been going on in there besides farting, shitting, pissing, singing, mopping, and hand washing?  Replacing the cloth towel roll?  We used to all share a towel.  

Never forget.  

Eye of the Tiger by Diana Palmer

I didn't wonder the whole time how many men have shared my experience.  Now I do.  The story is pretty good and it's told well.  Admirably no nonsense.  I can easily visualize every scene like it's a stylish made for tv movie in the 80s, except people get naked.  Spoiler alert.  Nobody has their genitals described in detail.  I don't believe any wieners are alluded to.   Most of the characters are pure stock and echo the same sentiment.  Eleanor and Keegan are supposed to fall in love.  Why haven't they?  Only Eleanor truly knows Keegan's nature... he doesn't take no for an answer in this 1986 romance novel.  It would have made a better movie than The Notebook.  

A New Pizza Chip.

Gosh, just like every other pizza flavored non-pizza.  

Except this one seems to be intentionally less good than lay's deep dish pizza flavor.  We all know New York style pizza is the standard pizza.  If it was milk, it would be 2%.  If it was a dog, it would be called Spot.  New York pizza is famous, so about Grimaldi's?  They can't be notably better than every other pizza in New York.  Did the Grimaldi family put the heat on Frito Lay, to make them a chip before we've even finished mourning the loss of the Giordano's chip?  Did Frito Lay truly intend to make an inferior chip?  I hate to assume they just don't know what they're doing.  When I want a great new chip, I usually turn to Frito.  I trust them.  But should I?

Thoughts from a Snappy Romper

At some point, I got fed up with pants, underwear, and their separate entities clinging to my hips.  I'm sick of jeans perpetually riding down, belts perpetually failing, shirts riding up, and boxer briefs riding, wedging, and sagging.  Not anymore.  They call it snip snappin. 

How the Chicks Blew it with the Name Change.

They're a great band.  I respect them taking Dixie out of their name.  That part of the name change is cool.  

Would it have defeated the purpose to additionally alter their name to the Chix or the Chyx?  What if they were simply called CHyX?  That would be so much cooler.  

As a kid, I wasn't super into the Dixie Chicks.  Their name didn't have anything to do with it.  I just wasn't inclined to pop country, even though their songs are catchy, they shred, and their lyrics are great.  They're just you know... country.  Not alternative.  Not freaks.  They'll never make a nu metal song.